The Thirst for Midnight Sun
by I'm.Forbidden.Fruit
Summary: Did Stephenie Meyer’s partial draft leave you as unsatisfied as me? If so, feel free to check out my version of Midnight Sun, starting at Chapter 13.
1. Explanations

_First Off, I'm incensed on Stephenie Meyers Behalf. I was far more excited for the publication of Midnight Sun than I was, initially, for Breaking Dawn, and The Twilight Movie. It is a huge disappointment to know that Midnight Sun is now indefinitely on hold. Seriously this blows._

_I have been asked (in the past) by many fans if I'd write my own post-haste version of the anticipated Midnight Sun. I've always ignored the requests, knowing that the real book would one day be written and bonded in a black cover, with Stephenie Meyer's name gracing the cover, offering my collection a completed appropriateness. But now, as you all should know, the release date is now postponed indefinitely and I have never read such an unsatisfying piece of Stephenie Meyers work than the partial draft that she opened up to her fans as a peace offering._

_Long rant short, my excuses have run out and I'm going to continue from where Stephenie so cruelly (and completely justly) left off. This is initially for my own selfishness. I need to quench my thirst. I hope you enjoy reading my attempted Edward in my very own Midnight Sun._

**_Disclaimer: The characters and plot are the property of _****_Stephenie Meyer_****_. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended._**

**Chapter 13**

**Explanations**

I knew havoc waited for me at home, but neither ill contempt nor anxious anticipation could spoil my high. I drove slow, drawing out the inevitability of my return.

I smiled as Bella's scent —still churning in the heated air— became a diluted sting in the base of my throat. I could appreciate the sweetness of it in this weaker form. A lovely smell, a touch of Lavender—no, Freesia, dominated the pitch of her scent. It was unusual, I'd never come across such a scent, I thought detachedly, then smiled as irony struck. Of course I'd never smelled such a scent, a perfume that all but burns me, entices me and pleases me, while managing to be completely unjustly appetizing. But her scent was thinning as the air spun, and soon the flavor sat like inoffensive potpourri, pleasant and unobtrusive, the sting in my throat vanished.

I pulled into the garage, glancing at my Aston Martin. I sighed in tangible relief, glad that I'd be able to lay eyes on it at least one more time.

I clenched my teeth and balled my fists already preparing myself for the inevitable yelling that would grace my arrival. The thoughts alone — screaming in a constant stream from Rosalie— set the unavoidable tone of the short period that I'd have to spend here.

Anguish already twisted my mood. I felt uneasiness at the thought of any time spent away from Bella. But I owed my family an explanation.

I kept on reminding myself that Charlie would be home soon, that Bella couldn't be so marred in luck to find danger in the safe confines of her home. That reassurance was hardly heartening, and I managed a few colourful scenarios involving Bella's redeeming lack-of-balance, and the thought of stairs. I shuddered, suddenly anxious to greet my family and end the explanations quickly.

I went straight to the dining room.

The set-up was exactly as it had been before, with the exception of Jasper who sat — grudgingly, beside a smiling Alice. No one greeted me as I walked across the silent room and sat beside Carlisle.

I glanced anxiously at him, his thoughts unusually quiet, and his brow smooth of emotion.

Esme's thoughts were in sync with Alice's. Her eyes glittering and a smile dominating her face.

Rosalie was still yelling a malicious stream of curses, non-stop through her mind, like she was reading off a mental list of blows, each worse then the last. I rolled my eyes, seeing no threat, except the intended image of my car she kept throwing at me.

Jasper was harder to place. His eyes were tight and his thoughts centered around the Volturi. Jasper was protective, and he knew exactly how much the Volturi liked their rules, and there was only one real rule to abide: Complete and utter secrecy from our intended food source. He didn't want to give the Volturi an excuse to come knocking on our door.

Emmett thought I was insane, but winked as my eyes passed over him.

"I told them," Alice chided. Her voice completely juxtaposed to the tense atmosphere.

I looked quickly at Carlisle, knowing that his opinion was the only one that really mattered to me. He met my gaze. "Edward, you love this girl." It wasn't a question, but I nodded just the same. Rosalie hissed at this, a disbelieving taunt centered in her thoughts. "Then there is nothing to explain or feel guilty about. Love should be based on trust, and your relationship would be doomed to fail without this girl knowing the truth."

Rosalie jumped up. "She is a human!" She screamed, unable to control her outburst. "He has threatened and compromised _his_ family! How can we— any of us be sure that _she _can be trusted. Not even Edward can ignore that! Her thoughts are a mystery to him. How—"

"I trust her." I said in monotone.

"Just one slip of the tongue Edward," she said mockingly. "She may have every intention of keeping our secrets _now_, but human nature is a fickle thing. She might just slip completely accidentally, _or_ completely intentionally —"

"She's not like that. Rosalie. I _know _her." I glared daggers at her, watching as her lips framed into a scowl, her thoughts a twist of unspoken snides.

"This is all besides the point." Alice said carefully, eyeing Rosalie as she sunk in defeat to her chair. I switched my glare to Alice, anticipating her next words before she could take in the air to utter them.

"No, Alice it won't come to that." I said darkly holding her glare as she jutted out her chin in defiance, throwing her vision in my face, it hit as hard as an unexpected blow to the face. It was solid, clear and completely horrifying. The same image of Bella, white skinned and red-eyed. But as horrifying as it was, I couldn't deny the desire, swirling like a poisonous gas in the pit of my stomach. The most selfish voice of insane reason that reminded me how forever couldn't even be enough.

"We can't risk exposure," Jasper said, his voice was muted and hollow, his thoughts carefully filed away. "Alice's vision is the only way to rectify this situation." His mind couldn't help the reflex flash of his other 'idea.' _That_ had me on my feet.

I gritted my teeth locking my control as I paced the length of the room, watching myself through the eyes of my unwavering family. I hated how there thoughts teamed with Jasper if not for his reason, but for my happiness. The exception, Rosalie, who favored his unspoken idea more, and Carlisle who hadn't taken a side.

"There's nothing more to discuss." I growled through clenched teeth.

"Like hell there is Edward!" Rosalie barked. "You've inflicted her on our lives too! She, and whatever you decide to do with her, involves us!"

"That's enough." The quiet words were neither a command nor a request. But Rosalie's flow of words stopped abruptly. Carlisle's face was burdened with lines, adding ten years to his age. His gaze wasn't hard, but I noticed the narrowing of his eyes as he assaulted Alice "This decision will be entirely up to Edward. Bella's fate will coincide with his decision." His words halted the conversation in a closing finality.

It didn't seem over. Not the way Alice held a secret smile, nor the way Jasper's thoughts remained suspiciously quiet. Rosalie fixed me a pointed glance. _This isn't over._

I sighed heavily sinking down to my chair as each vampire drifted from the room. Until Esme and Carlisle were left, concerned frowns engraved in their foreheads.

Esme's curiosity couldn't be piqued, "Edward," she spoke aloud for Carlisle's benefit. "How did she take it?" _Alice said… well she said she took it exceptionally…? _

She let the thought trail, unbelievably, was the word she was looking for, but trying not to find, for my benefit.

"Unbelievably." I muttered. "She didn't show one sign of being scared."

She smothered her reaction. _Does she love you?_ Esme wondered, awed by Bella's bravery.

"She actually believes that she cares more for me that I do for her." I said bitterly.

Carlisle smiled. A warmth meeting the solid gold in his eyes. _She's your match Edward. _

I returned their smile's half-heartedly. A pain swelled deep inside me as I replayed Alice's vision.

Eagerness stole tribute to conventional courtesy, and I was out of my chair, the absence of Bella overwhelmingly painful.

--

Darkness crept unnoticeably over Forks, as did I, as I slithered quick and quietly through Bella's window.

I hovered over her bed, looking down on her as she fidgeted in her sleep. The painful release of her absence was traded for the fire that assaulted my throat in burning thirst.

The memory of her touch punctuated my thoughts. The tips of my fingers burned at the silent wish.

The air filled with the same electricity that haunted the dim darkness in biology. I backed up, crossing the room to the familiar rocking chair. Not trusting myself that close to her proximity, with such desires barely held on the tip of my fingers.

"Mmm Edward" she sighed, setting off a roaring fantasy and a fresh charge of electric current to travel untouched from her body to mine. I cringed at the unexpected rapture and buried my head in my arms. S_he really thinks that she cares for me more then I do for her? _As absurdly ridiculous as that possibility, I intended to prove just how wrong she was.

* * *

_If you'd like me to continue please review, I appreciate any corrections or criticisms._


	2. Everything

_Hey guys! I should fore-warn you, I have had entirely too much fun writing this chapter! (Seriously, have always wondered about this.) I hope you'll like it as much as I've enjoyed writing it._

_Also I have No beta, and school just started (grade 12, homework every night... oh yeah, please kill me! but I'm updating as fast as humanly possible) Please be easy on the spelling and grammar, its particularly bad in this chapter. Please send me my errors, so I'll be able to change em. THANKS! _

**Chapter 14**

**Everything**

I waited, impatiently, my fingers tapping like a nervous twitch on the grips of my steering wheel.

Then she opened the door.

The constant ache in the pit of my stomach her absence made, uncoiled and relaxed. I felt my heart swell when a wide smile captured her mouth, as she timidly stumbled to the car. She opened the door, catching my eye as she fell to the seat.

"Good morning." I said breezily, trying to conceal the awe that stung my tone. "How are you today?"

I hadn't forgotten the close call that transpired through the night. Twice, Bella awoke, restless dreams causing her to mutter and toss. I unceremoniously dove in her closet, watching as she sat up, and attempted to fluff her pillows or rearrange her blankets. Trying, —to no avail— to find a comfortable position to offer her nagging dreams a trade. Her mutterings were louder then ever. Often my name was said, and I still couldn't deny the excited thrill it coursed through my dead veins.

But I felt guilty to take pleasure in her sleep mutterings now, when her dreams had so obviously caused the dark circles that lined her eyes.

"Good, thank you." She voiced, smiling cheekily. I couldn't decide if she were being sarcastic or if her smile was sincere. I should have known that she wouldn't have voiced the truth, she was a silent sufferer. I reminded myself, bitterly. _That _would have to change as well.

"You look tired." I said seriously, noting the way the darkness under her eyes, contrasted with the cream of her skin. Her eyes seamed even more intense with the extra shadow provided.

Her neck was sheathed in a long brown sweater.

"I couldn't sleep," she said, her cheeks flushing. She untucked her hair secured behind her ear, using the mahogany wall as a defense to hide her eyes from me again. Annoyance crept, I wanted so badly to sweep her hair back behind her shoulder… To run my fingers through the silky tresses and pull her closer—

No.

"Neither could I" I smiled. I liked that. How honesty slipped naturally off my tongue.

She laughed sending a fascinating ringing through the car. It was the loudest I've heard her laugh, my fingers twitched anxiously. The heat of her began to seep through my body. "I guess that's right." she paused, "I suppose I slept just a little bit more than you did."

"I'd wager you did."

"So what did you do last night?" she asked coyly, spinning a small strand of hair between her index finger and thumb.

I chuckled at her attempt to change the subject before it had a chance to begin. "Not a chance. It's my day to ask questions."

"Oh that's right. What do you want to know?" she asked feigning forgetfulness.

I wanted to know everything. It was like a disease eating away at me, questions boiling just on the tip of my tongue.

I have never felt this raw emotion that could barely be defined tangibly as love. But as something so prominent that it shifted my entire world. Moving all importance in my life down, making room for her, raised high above all else. Completely immeasurable with my most prized possession. All company lost its meaning if she wasn't the company in question. The world seemed impossible to have existed for so long when she wasn't alive.

I couldn't ask my questions fast enough.

It was like a choke hold around my throat. How could one simple creature be the center of my existence? Be the light in my very dark sky?

And yet I can scarcely recite what music she prefers, what conversation makes her uncomfortable, what her favorite colour is…

And that is exactly what I wanted to know, it seemed like a trivial question to the beginning of a very long list, a list of everything I'd ever want to know.

"What's your favorite colour?" I asked, a pensive expression swallowing my disclosure.

Her eyes swept to the side just as her hair covered half her face, before she swung her head to reveal how she smirked at me. "It changes from day to day."

"What's your favorite colour today?" I asked solemnly.

"Probably brown." She answered without a hint of denial.

I snorted. I couldn't help it. I found brown a trite colour, if it could even be called a colour…

My memory of Bella two nights ago covered in that dark blue shirt had forever convinced me of my favorite….

"Brown?" I asked doubtfully, catching her eyes —cut-off by the tell-tale edge of her hair.

"Sure." She said contemplatively, "Brown is warm. I _miss_ brown. Everything that's supposed to be brown — tree trunks, rocks, dirt— is all covered up with squashy green stuff here,"

I contemplated. It was impossible to deny, while lost in the severe intensity swirling in the chocolate of her eyes. "Your right," I said broodingly. Her hair fell another inch, blocking out half her face.

"Brown is warm." I trailed. And again, — without my conscious giving my reflex permission, I captured the silk of her hair, — offensively obscuring her eyes from me, —and swept it back over her shoulder.

I didn't miss the stifle in her heartbeats, and tried to ignore the pink that now delicately ran from the confines of her sweater to darken the red in her cheeks.

Maybe dark blue was second to her blush…

--

Questions came as naturally as the lift in my cheeks, or the red that touched Bella's.

I walked her slowly to her English class. Setting the pace to draw out our limited time together.

Continuing the stream of conversation that drifted from the car, quizzing her on music. Era's she liked and disliked genres she preferred and hated.

I had to hold my tongue on more then one occasion when she'd draw a blank. Searching through her mysterious mind to find the right verb or adjective. Trying, unsuccessfully to swallow my never answered question: _What is she thinking?_

Her music taste was shallow; but not bad. She categorized her taste as typical or even irrelevant since she didn't listen to the radio that much. She didn't give herself any credit. I'd heard enough pop running through the minds of the population of Forks High to appreciate how she scrunched up her nose and vetoed pop, along with techno, rap, and country, using the tips of her fingers to keep count.

Subconsciously I started creating a playlist in my mind. Signaling out bands she'd like and songs that would match her punk/alternative taste.

Too fast the first class stared, she sighed longingly before she gave me a small, almost hopeful smile. I swallowed hard, losing my tongue and quickly slipping away before I had a chance to give her the goodbye I so longed for.

I remembered how warm Bella's skin felt— I could never forget— the numbness still prickled as a constant reminder on the tips of my fingers. I kept on telling myself that as heavenly as Bella's skin felt, mine felt sinister and deathly cold to her. Bella doesn't like the cold, _or the wet_.

But I couldn't seem to convince myself that. _She_ was the one who touched the back of my fingers in Port Angeles. _She_ had sighed wistfully to Jessica when asked if I had _kissed_ her yet.

How much I would trade just to kiss her. To feel her warm lips spread across mine, the heat that would flow uninterrupted from her body to mine…

"Mr. Cullen…? Mr. Cullen!?"

"Huh?" I asked dazed coming out of Jessica's head from where I was watching Bella. Jessica's thoughts were a swirl of irritation; her point of irritation conveniently, was Bella.

Bella was staring pointedly ahead, her Trig a chaos of doodles, betraying the look of concentration she was rallying on the teacher. Jessica's thoughts were in a rage of anger, noting the small smile Bella's pensive expression couldn't hide, scoffing at her choice of outfit, and wondering what I could possibly see in her. I had tuned out her annoying repartee, and was concentrating on the view when Mr. Mason so rudely interrupted me; shattering the image just as Bella threw Jessica an irritated scowl for staring.

"I'm sorry what was that?" I asked politely, trying to pick the question out of his spinning mind. But his thoughts were in a hectic spiel of amazement and smugness. _A Cullen has never asked me to repeat anything before! _

The class had all turned in their seats to stare at me wide-eyed, their thoughts synchronized with Mr. Masons.

I fidgeted uncomfortably, "Edward, I _hope_ I'm not interrupting?" I didn't like how he stressed the word "hope" putting an already overly obnoxious patronizing question in the same pretence as talking to a kindergartener. I gritted my teeth reeling in my retort, before quickly shaking my head and muttering a lame "sorry." Mr. Mason unceremoniously shot me smug looks and trick questions, hoping for another inexplicable blip. I felt as if I lost a very insignificant war and annoyance held my attention for the rest of my class.

I was upright a second before class was officially over. Already smiling in anticipation of lunch. "Mr. Cullen?" I turned; my hand was already on the doorknob. I looked up, greeting Mr. Mason's eyes. "A word?"

The class leisurely lumbered out of the room throwing me sympathetic smiles with raised eyebrows.

I was caught off, I'd never been asked to "have a word" by a teacher. The thought was laughable, and what was even more laughable was my peers empathizing with me. Me! Edward Cullen! AKA Vampire… Maybe Bella really has found the human in me. Because I never felt more human as I fidgeted by the door, anxious to leave and worried at the same time. Wanting more then anything to see Bella. But then again, it was a very vampiric reaction to want to kill Mr. Mason for keeping me…

"Edward," he began. 10 seconds passed. His speech was already formed and already conveyed. I had a feeling that he wouldn't believe I got the message if I simply told him that I'm sincerely sorry for day-dreaming in his damn class. Bella would be leaving Spanish right now…

"You seemed quite distracted today?" I opened my mouth, but realized that it was an entirely rhetorical question. I should just listen and keep my mouth shut, and only respond with the occasional nod or to brush the floor with my foot looking sheepish. 20 seconds.

His mouth opened. I watched detachedly as tiny dust particles entered his mouth. 25 seconds. "You also missed Friday and Monday, I trust that you got the notes?" Again, a rhetorical question. 35 seconds. I was officially annoyed.

I had the highest average in the class, without taking a single note or doing a shred of mandatory homework. The worst part was that _he _knew that, (which I know for a fact) but, insists on torturing me just for the pleasure it brings him.

I glowered. 40 seconds. Would Bella think I _forsakened_ her? My stomach jumped. This was not happening. 45 seconds. Something very human rose like the stink of rotten flesh in my insides, I could hardly identify it. _Unease?_ 50 seconds.

"Mr. Mason." I said acerbically, taking a very predatorily step forward. "I realize I disrespected you and I sincerely apologize. But I can assure you that my marks will not suffer due to my absence or the very _human_ slip of consciousness today." I smiled for good measure, sure to show him each row of my teeth.

His stomach quivered and a barely audible, "Well don't let it happen again," escaped his lips.

1 minute.

"It wont." I said brusquely before sweeping from the room.

My head spun with indignant queries. What an insolent bastard.

I lost my train of thought as she came into view, her eyes lit and a smile captured her mouth before she stumbled over to me. People still circulated the halls, and she maneuvered quickly before she toed the edge of a stray forgotten book.

That's all it took. She went sailing, her armful of books spilling to the ground, her, just seconds from crashing to the tile. I side-stepped a dazed freshman and faster then humanly acceptable, captured Bella's arms, pulling her up until her feet found level. I released her just as fast.

Blood stained her cheeks as she bent down quickly to pile up her books, but I was faster.

I smirked up at her, her eyes wide. "Which brings us to my next question." Her heart sped.

Toying with the ominous book in my hand, I asked, "What's your favorite book?"

She smiled, rolling her eyes. "Hmm books…" she began, her eyes holding thousands of caged secrets. "Where to start…?"

* * *

_p.s I don't update until you match the reviews accumulated from the last chapter :) sorry _


	3. Book Worm

_As you may or may not know, I reply to each and every review. But my awesome anonymous reviewers never get to know how much I love them! Seriously you guys really make my day! Thanks so much! I cannot express my gratitude enough._

_This chapter was hard. I'm incorporating my own taste and trying to label Bella's as well. I really urge you to read the amazing authors and books mentioned._

_Listen to: Until The Sun Turns Black By: Ray LaMontagne_

_Corrections, criticisms and flattery always appreciated!_

**Chapter 15**

**Book Worm**

"I'm guessing you like Romances?" I teased, lifting my eyebrows in mock cynicism, still holding her book, _Gone with the wind_. The paperback was heavily torn, the pages were crumpled, dog-eared, and browning, as if they were once waterlogged and then dried.

She laughed, playfully nudging my arm with her elbow while we stood in line. A thrill of heat coursed like a wave up my arm, though her skin was shielded from mine, in two layers of material.

"Yes, I quite enjoy the occasional _Harlequin_." She said, rolling her eyes to prove her distaste.

I smiled, but didn't speak. She didn't like to have the spotlight cast on her. I could tell that the absorption of my eyes made her uncomfortable. She'd automatically pause every time she opened her mouth; just in case I had something to say.

I waited.

"No," she amended, her tone more serious, her eyes pensive. "I like all genre's…" she bit her lip guiltily. I could've died. She was so,—so… _sexy_. I swallowed, hard.

"Okay, I mean, — I guess I have a bit of a soft spot for Romances…" she chose a sandwich and gently placed it thoughtlessly on the tray, her eyes busy, scanning the selection of human sustenance. My patience wavered as she plucked an apple from the assortment, and ran the tips of her fingers over the contours, deciding if it would be suitable to eat…

"_And?_" I said, my tone rough, hardly concealing the flare of impatience in my voice as I slipped a note to the cafeteria worker, while whisking the tray out of her hands.

Bella raised her eyebrows, "Why, aren't you patient today." she teased; while digging her fingers through her school bag as we walked to our secluded table. I set her tray down and pulled out her chair, waiting for her to sit down.

She dropped her bag and held out her hand, in a gesture of either acceptance or expectation. My first reaction was to take her hand, the feeling was so automatic that my fingers stung and my muscles ached to reach out and enclose her fingers in mine. Instead, I shoved my free hand deep in my jean pockets and scrutinized her offer. Her fingers were loosely curled around a crumpled bill. Oh! She wanted to pay for her own lunch!

I laughed. I laughed loud. I continued to chuckle as I ignored her indignant glare and rounded the table, sitting across from her pouting stance.

"Not a chance," I snorted.

She sighed, accepting defeat, while shoving the bill back into her bag.

"Thank-you." she mumbled grudgingly.

"Your welcome." She looked up, her eyes wide, holding too much emotion to label, before her face turned into a mask of chagrin.

_What is she thinking!_

"So…" I began.

"Yes?"

"You were just about to tell me your favorite book."

She gasped, enclosing her expression in mock horror. "I could never pick one! It would be like blasphemy… I could no sooner pick a favorite colour."

I threw her a quizzical look.

"And how is that?" I asked, perplexity melting into amusement.

"Writing in general is a hard thing to label. Styles are too unique to be compared, let alone plot or the complexities of characters. It all depends on my mood; I could never loose myself in the hardships Of Francie Nolan in _A Tree Grows in Brooklyn_ or walk through _Mansfield Park_, not while lost in the fantasy of _Lord of the Rings _or wishing I was Juliet. It's a hard thing to categorize, let alone pick a favorite. So many different types of writings have yet to be ventured. And how could anyone pick a favorite and commit to another when they've already discovered the piece of work they'd always place on a pedestal high and completely incomparable to all else? I'd rather broaden my horizon and hope that when, if, I ever chose a favorite, it would be able to withstand all the novels of the search."

"Sometimes, if you have a favorite, it could help you make comparisons to what you are currently reading…?" I ventured.

"Exactly, you could label it temporarily. But how would you fare if I labeled _you _my favorite person, but then the next day I have a conversation with someone else and realize that they are much better? It's not a sticker, it can't be ripped off over and over again, from one book to another… in the end it would loose its stickiness, ultimately meaning nothing."

"But books aren't people." I interjected.

"That's beside the point. Just that, the book you have labeled and named your favorite shouldn't be replaced by another so easily. As is anything. Your favorite shouldn't be distributed so lightly, it is as love; you don't just throw around the word and not expect it to stick."

I stared at her, her eyes wavered dropping to her sandwich. My love for her would always stick.

I smiled, "Did you just say, 'you wish to be _Juliet_?'"

A dark shadow of blood filled her entire head from hairline to chin. I was staggered, never witnessing such a pooling of blood without the breakage of skin. I cut my breathing as a swarm of venom filled my mouth in unsavory want. I leaned back fastidiously, realizing now that our faces were close enough that her hot breath brushed my lips.

_Run Bella Run._

She laughed nervously. "My obsession last year was Romeo and Juliet." Her voice managed to crack, twice. She wasn't lying, but the explanation was a blur masquerading the true reason for the blush.

"Why are you blushing?"

A darker red managed to darken her already impossibly red cheeks. She bowed her head, allowing her hair to hide her flaming face.

"Bella…" I cooed, in my most intentional seductive voice, leaning closer to her, trying to capture her eyes. She looked up, melting chocolate swirled darkly in her wide eyes. I dare not breathe.

"Please tell me." I asked softly. I couldn't_ not_ know. She could surely kill me, just with withheld information. Did she realize the control she already had over me?

"I used to have a crush on Romeo." She blurted out, her diction smearing into every second word. Her heart staggered.

Jealousy. Absurd and Irrational. A c_ompletely_ fictional character, I told myself, incredulously.

_Looks like Eddies got some competition._

_Hahaha don't you hate Romeo?_

_Awe she's such a romantic._

_What an ignorant human, of course she'd wish to be a character known for such a melodramatic suicide._

Thoughts continued to bombard me from the eavesdropping Cullen table; I tried tenaciously to ignore them.

I managed a twisted smile. Stay cool. Casual. Don't scare her.

"So, what are some books that you _like_?" I asked with a teasing grin. Changing the subject, before she could read the absurd jealousy displayed over my every emotion.

"Edwards jealous." Jasper whispered in a low voice.

All my siblings' grueling laughs echoed around the cafeteria, causing abrupt stops in conversation and the heads of students to swerve to watch the Cullen's show rare human emotion.

I cringed. But even though their laughs still rung throughout the room, Bella didn't seem to notice. Her eyes locked on mine, as if I were the only thing she could concentrate on.

A huge wave of euphoric happiness washed over me. It was a staggering relief as much as it was a painful abjection, to realize that her full attention was unwaveringly locked on _me_.

--

Not only did she like the classics, from _Jane Austin_, to _Eudora Welty__,_ and _Charlotte Brontë_,but also biographies, short stories, and poetry.

I thought I had her taste in books pegged, deliberating her obvious love in romance, and her appreciation for classic fiction usually with a female protagonist. But just as I'd concluded this outlook, she'd surprise me, saying how much she'd enjoyed _Harry Potter, Huck Finn_ or _Anna Karenina._

It was unfathomable. With each answer came a new just as prominent question. A vast maze of never-ending frustration, as soon as I'd mentally check another character trait, it would change with just a wrong placed book, or quizzical facial expression I couldn't decipher fast enough.

Her choices from dramas, mysteries, and the classics to confessing her guilty pleasure of _Anne of Green Gables_, to my personal favorites: _Shakespeare, The Grapes of Wrath, Charles Dickens, Lord of the flies, __The Catcher in the Rye,_and_ Oliver twist._ Upon further questioning I found our taste mingled but slightly disjointed, (of course, I was more cynical.)

Her answers were always surprisingly mature, well thought-out without too long of a pause, so I knew there was minimal editing (even though it still drove me mad.)

But even when she'd pause a second longer then conventional normalcy, my head would exploded in another toil of questions, wondering if I'd ever be able to hear the secrets she kept hidden from me.

I found each of her explanations and answers utterly fascinating. Locked on her every word. I could spend the rest of forever, watching the way the fission in-between the line of her lips would part as she spoke.

"It's another world you can loose yourself in. Characters, thoughts and dreams you can relate to. Like a never wavering friend to laugh, or cry, or indulge in. All your problems seem to just melt away and all that's left is black and white..." she shrugged, a stain of blood brushed her cheek as she caught my eye. Her eyes widened as if she'd just realized she'd been talking this whole time, letting her mouth run away without her permission. "Plus the stories and words in books are far more interesting then returning to my unexciting reality." She concluded shyly, her voice just above the hush of a whisper.

I silently disagreed, knowing that no book could hold my interest as much as her.

I watched as she quickly took a bite of her forlorn apple. I realized that I had kept her talking through half of lunch, and she only managed to have eaten two bites of her sandwich. I watched in amusement as she hastily chewed, in anticipation of my next question.

I waited, not meaning to be rude. I had to remember that she needs to eat. In fact, at least three well-balanced meals a day, and snacks in-between. I wonder what she'd prefer to consume… I dare not ask her favorite; I concluded quickly, she doesn't play favorites. The question was already on my lips, but I held my tongue, waiting for her to swallow.

"So, will you tell me the books that _you_ read?" she asked timidly, her eyes focused on the table between us.

I ignored her question, smothering my smile. "What sort of provisions do you like?"

She laughed, I didn't understand the source of her amusement, but couldn't help the automatic smile that spread over mine in infectious reverence.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Provisions?" she snorted.

I raised my eyebrows. "Okay, _food._" I said distastefully, while doubtfully eyeing the assortment arranged on her tray.

"I dunno. I'm not picky…"

This wouldn't do. What would I feed her? — Or rather, what would I feed her, if she'd _prefer_ to be in my company at a time whether she was hungry?

"Bella," I scolded. "There must be something you prefer? Don't humans enjoy particular flavors and textures for their alleged pallet?"

I could see the corners of her lips twitch, I wonder why?

"Ummm…" I could see her struggling to pick words. I tried to imagine what she might be thinking, but all possibilities were far-fetched and inconclusive. "I guess I like the same food as the next person…But my favorite would be Italian." she quickly amended after catching my eye.

_Italian._ I mentally checklist.

"And— of course, being a girl," she rolled her eyes. "I can't deny my love for all things chocolate."

I was missing something, like an inside-joke that I wasn't apart of, — or like what she just said was already a universally known fact.

"What do you mean — being a girl?"

She blushed. The same breathtaking colour dosing her cheeks and inflaming my every desire.

_Why would she blush!?_

Before I could ask, a harsh voice interrupted the swirl of intrigued thoughts echoing throughout my head.

_Edward! Seriously leave that one alone!_ Alice.

I looked up quickly, catching Alice's eye from across the room. Her eyebrows were raised, her eyes intense.

I quickly returned my gaze to Bella, realizing too late that I shouldn't have asked. I changed the subject.

"What genera of movies do you favor?"

She sighed in audible relief, before answering.

--

I quizzed her in precise, curt, questions. Earning fast answers, meaning minor editing. It was the closest to reading her mind as I could get.

Q: Favorite Holiday?

A: Halloween.

_I think she said this just to be funny._

Q: If you could have any car what would it be?

A: Red!

_Haha._

Q: Morning or Night?

A: Night.

Q: Season?

A: Summer.

_Of course_

Q: Which day of the week do you like best?

A: Friday

Q: Gemstone?

A: Topaz

_A blush?_

I paused. "Why are you blushing?" I asked.

Her eyes widened, before she ducked her head, allowing her hair to smother her burning cheeks. My impatience and severe curiosity burned like the perfume of her breath. "Won't you tell me?" I pleaded.

She was hidden beneath the shield of her hair, but her head bobbed back and forth portraying her 'no.' I would die if she didn't tell me.

"Please Bella?" I groveled. Earning another quick head shake.

I blew out a frustrated gust of air, my impatience started to climb. "Tell me," I demanded.

She peaked up through the curtain of her hair. Her eyes swimming in intensity. "It's the colour of your eyes today," she sighed, her head burning a degree darker. I could feel the heat of her blush touch my face. "I suppose if you asked me in two weeks I'd say onyx."

I couldn't identify the new emotion swirling like a fire at the base of my throat. I knew enough that it was pleasure, but mixed with this new strange feeling. Satisfaction? Joy, _Lust?_

She kept her head trained down, fiddling with a strand of her hair.

I could practically feel her embarrassment building in the thick air between us, and promptly asked my next question. But I couldn't seem to shake the flutter of happiness that purred in contentment in the pit of my stomach.

The cafeteria slowly melted of wavering students, but I drew out my last minutes with her until it became necessary to leave. I almost wanted to ask if she'd like to skip class with me, but knew that wouldn't fare. Bella was responsible, I reminded myself.

I kept the stream of conversation in continuum as we both lumbered to class. Twice she slipped, catching her boot on invisible obstacles on the flat stable surface laid out before her.

We both settled in our seats, Mr. Banner flicked out the lights...

* * *

_Like it? When you review, I tend to wanna update._


	4. JB

_I have never had so many mixed reviews before! I was either cringing or smiling in relief with each one. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore your amazing opinions and love when ppl compare me to Stephenie Meyer herself (that's the highest compliment I could ever receive.) But as you know, I am __**not **__Stephenie Meyer and am only 17 with especially bad grammar, so you should know, I will be a little OOC sometimes, (no matter how much I try not to be.) I appreciate when I'm told that I may have strayed from that character, in fact I welcome all critiques…but really hate flames. To say I have done something horrible without a useful assessment, but just to say it to spread evil is just plain insulting. Please no more flames (I have never received one on here, until now.) As I said in the last chapter, I love my__ anonymous__ reviewers, but please no more comments on my incapability, this is still just practice for me, and I'd hate to disable __anonymous__ reviews, because that would just plain suck. _

_I know big rant, but it had to be said, I welcome any critique. But that's just it, if you have a correction on my writing, by all means, please tell me. But if you just want to tell me how much I suck… well that's your own prerogative and your own conscious. Please try to be helpful in any critique. Thank-you _

**Chapter 16**

**JB**

The room settled in the same dim darkness. Every line visible, every hushed giggle and small whisper, loud in my ears. Bella's heart sped; it pounded in the darkness, the darkness that would seem black to her, but was so miniscule to me. I could see her perfectly. Could see how she slyly shifted her eyes to greet mine.

The same craving flamed within me, the fierce desire to touch her, just brush her fingers with mine, to feel the indescribable warmth radiating off her. The heat almost seemed to have heightened, boiling in a gust of perfumed air to touch me and make my struggling craving build. The same inexplicable electricity began to ignite the airwaves passing in-between us…

I knew I was on edge, on the brink of impossible treachery. Fantasies began to swirl in my unwilling mind. I carefully slid away from her, allowing the points of my chair to align with the farthest legs of my desk.

Bella moved as well, leaning forward on the table, while placing her head on her arms, her eyes glued to the screen.

The same arguments as before began to slither in my mind. How horrible would it be just to hold her hand? I could control my urges even if I knew it wasn't enough, even if I craved more of her then just the curl of her fingertips… No.

I knew if I took her hand, that it would just be the turning point of every buried longing. I would just justify another misplaced hand, another unfathomable desire…

Bella shifted, a quiet sigh escaped her. I could see the profile of her face, and couldn't decipher her expression. She looked, conflicted? Or maybe I was only hoping that she was holding the same cravings as me…

The electricity between us managed to crack, and muddle my thoughts. I had to ball up my hand in a tight grip in my lap, knowing how close I was to losing all control and doing the inconceivable — allowing my fingers to snake around hers…

_Keep your hands to yourself._ I repeated, over and over throughout the buzz of the movie.

Mercifully the hour ended, _too fast_, my irrational self concluded. I would have to leave her…

The lights flashed on. Groans and hisses echoed throughout the room. Like the flashbulb of a camera, burning the pupils of each student.

Bella looked quite adorable as she shielded her eyes, and then squinted to allow her eyes time to adjust to the harsh light.

I stood, silently waiting for her.

Bella looked hesitant as she met my gaze and stood. Conflict began swirling in my mind again. Even though the lights extracted the electricity that existed in the dark, I still experienced the same itch to touch her.

I reminded myself of the danger, of the restless longing it would ignite in me, and now, —as if I knew it all along but just tried to ignore it, —I_ knew_ Bella wanted me _in that way_ as well.

It was as painful as the fire she brought to my throat, and as completely satisfying as knowing how she perceived my eyes. Knowing that she _wanted_ me brought such painful happiness, — _selfish _happiness — trumped from the knowledge that I could never offer her anything of what we both so obviously wished. I could never offer her what all humans craved, what they all _needed_ in any physical or emotional relationship, _intimacy._ If she decided to stay with me, I would be stealing yet another dominant part of any human life. And yet, I still couldn't even begin to imagine leaving…

I couldn't seem to control myself. Not while she stopped and turned to me at the awning of the gym's door. Her dark eyes were almost expectant, almost wistful, almost _sad_. She hesitated, and for one wild second I thought that she might just touch me.

The longing in the mirror of her eyes reflected mine. And again, without conscious giving reflex a second to waver, — I reached out and stroked her face.

The fire of her blood kissed the back of my hand, from where I gently stroked her from the curve of her temple to the apex of her jaw. I lingered, allowing the pulse of her blood to thrum uninterrupted from her cheek to tingle each nerve ending in the back of my hand

_Enough!_ Just as before, her cheeks flamed under my touch. The pulse of her blood quickened under my touch, and to my immense satisfaction, venom didn't linger in my throat. But the same electricity from biology flashed like a whip before us. I so wanted to curl my fingers under her chin, to pull her face closer, to have no space between her lips and mine. _Stop!_

I dropped my hand, against every nonsensical instinct in my body, screaming for more. Again the fire in my throat seemed to have vanquished altogether, and all I could concentrate on was the desire. The most human want, pulling all fantasy and all irrationality into the most inconceivable hope for reality.

I turned, speeding too fast away, before I had a chance to allow my want to vanquish all that was supposed to be right, all that I knew I could never have, and for once, it had nothing to do with her blood.

--

Through the droning monotone of Mrs. Goff, I contemplated the strange incapability to truly know her. My questions had only begun to scratch the surface of who she really is. There was still so much to decipher, to place, to begin to imagine. I was shifting in my seat, on edge, wanting my other numerous questions answered. If only I could get inside her head to really find out her true thoughts, bare and full of the piques and flaws she couldn't revise. But I knew that wouldn't be enough, I could never guess what she'd do next or what she'd say or elaborate on. I would never be able to quench this unfathomable need for her.

I waited outside the gym doors. Anxious for her reveal, I held my breath, each time the door opened, just to render a faster girl then Bella. It was unbelievably disappointing, how long does it take to change? I was almost tempted to invade a mind of one of the lingering students trapped in the locker room with Bella, but killed the thought as soon as it surfaced.

I would never invade Bella's privacy like that, I vowed. Ignoring the temptation swirling deep in my stomach, a twisted offering only alluring to the sick self that held the desire to touch Bella, closer then a shy caress on her cheek, but to take her in my arms and feel the heat of her lips warm mine…

The door opened only to reveal Jennifer Ford. I sighed, my impatience continued to climb.

My breath caught as she finally stumbled out of the door. A wide smile pulled at her lips, her eyes lighting in a spark of mystery.

I continued on with quick questions, as I walked her towards the parking lot, wondering about her favorite subjects, hobbies, and what shows she watched, (English, reading, and usually sports.)

I snorted when she said this. "_Sports?_ I find _that _hard to believe." I chuckled, remembering the embarrassing escapade of her sports endeavor in gym yesterday. Careful not to mention the peeks I contended today, consisting of her trying to blend in with the wall which was clearly impossible, managing to trip twice, while standing perceivably still.

Her expression was untroubled as she climbed into the car, clearly expecting my reaction. "I watch sports _occasionally _with Charlie. Its not that I particularly enjoy his choice in TV… it's just comfortable. I can be with him, without the pretence of making small talk, trying to search for something viable or interesting to say." She turned her wide eyes to me.

"What sort of television do _you_ enjoy?" she asked, cocking her head to the side in the most adorable manner.

"ah, ah, ahhh." I shook my head smiling; reminding her of our previous agreement, today was still mine. I sped out of the lot, shifting through different questions. The air between us hummed in unmentioned desires.

"Why do you hate Forks so much?" I asked suddenly. Coming to a silent lurch outside her house. She looked up, the furrow between her eyes puckered as she contemplated the question.

"Its not that I _hate _Forks." She said pensively. "Don't get me wrong, I hate the wet, it gets dark way too fast, the sun is always vacant and the vegetation is far too evident…" She added curtly. "It's just that, I really _miss_ Arizona."

"What do you miss about it?" I whispered, caught in the glow of her eyes. I realized I was close, so close that the heat of her breath managed to brush my lips. I moved back a quarter of an inch, and my body barely allowed that much space between us. Bella shifted in response, angling her body more inclined towards me. I swallowed, as a wave of sweetened air crashed into me with her position change.

"I dunno." I would die, I really would. I could not seem to control the raging curiosity that assaulted me, almost as strong as the scent now winding its way through the car.

She raised her eyebrows at my expression, smiled, and then answered. "The world is so much different here then there. I never appreciated it, but now, I can see how I took it for granted. Call it nostalgia, but the dessert, the sights the sounds, everything I grew up with, all have a strange, almost comforting feel of familiarity. Even the air, the dryness the smell…"

She looked so sad. I wanted to reach out and smooth the lines in her forehead. I knew the subject was sore, but my curiosity won over customary politeness, and urged her to continue.

She'd draw out the description of each memory she revived to me. Explaining her fascination, pondering each question, and filling each silence with a clicking of her tongue as she searched for the right adjective to use.

If I wasn't satisfied with an answer, she'd try to retell it, to reach deeper and find other means of conveying. Often she'd lift her hand — subconsciously — swirling her scent to replenish the venom that hung permanently at the base of my throat.

Her eyes and voice were both animated as she told her inexplicable love for the barren wasteland. Describing how the toothed mountains made shapes out of the horizon, cutting out pieces of the never ending sky. How the feel of the sun felt on her skin. The smell of sunscreen mixed with sand.

I learned what school she attended, what her favorite hang-outs were, and what her home looked like.

She described each place with the same sad smile, her eyes vacant, deep in the depths of her mysterious mind. Unraveling what she seemed to miss so much, and what she preferred to forget.

The world around us settled underneath a faint blanket of darkness, the clouds cloaked the orange of the setting sun. I had lost track of time, living in Bella's memories, lost in the warmth of her tone, the enthusiasm in her body language. I never wanted to leave.

"Are you finished?" she asked in audible relief.

I smiled. "Not even close—but your father will be home soon." Did she hear the regret betraying my causality?

"Charlie!" she gasped, glancing at the rain soaked windshield, squinting her eyes to see the sky. "How late is it?" she asked, glancing at the clock on the stereo.

"It's twilight," I answered, while detachedly glancing at the sun that began its descent past the horizon, obscured by a swirl of dark clouds.

"It's the safest time of day for us," I explained. "The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way…the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?"

"I like the night. Without the dark, we'd never see the stars." She paused, her wistful smiling falling into a frown. "Not that you see them here much."

I chuckled, watching as her frown suddenly lifted into the promise of a smile.

"Charlie will be here in a few minutes," bitterness, distorting my mood. "So, unless you want to tell him that you'll be with me Saturday…" I ventured, hoping that she'd change her mind so I could draw out the last plausible second with her.

"Thanks, but no thanks." She smiled cheekily, while gathering her books in a neat pile. "So is it my turn tomorrow, then?" She asked.

"Certainly not!" I teased. "I told you I wasn't done, didn't I?"

"What more is there?" She wondered, her eyebrows pulling low over her eyes.

"You'll find out tomorrow." I replied coyly.

The chocolate in her eyes burned. I could feel the anticipation of the electricity brimming in the air between us. I wanted so badly to touch her again… Twice was enough, I reminded myself.

I knew it was an excuse even before I made the rationalization in my mind. I shouldn't be looking for reasons to touch her. But I_ needed_ to feel the heat of her, wanting any justification for her proximity. I reached across her under the volition of opening her door.

An unfocused thought, close to the house pulled me out of the bubble that existed with only Bella and me in it. The voice unfamiliar, but loud and dark, a spinning web of indignant queries and qualms.

"Not good," I said under my breath.

"What is it?" Bella asked, alarm closing in on her expression.

"Another complication," I answered. I opened her door.

The voice was vaguely familiar. Almost as if it existed in another life. I could make out through the junction of thoughts that the concerns attributed from a worried Quileute. I didn't want to stick around and see if my observation was correct.

A car pulled around the corner. Holding two passengers, undoubtfully from the Quileute tribe. The colour of their skin was recognizable through the two sheets of glass and a storm in-between.

"Charlie's around the corner," I whispered not taking my eyes off the older Quileute who was slinging a row of mental curses at me. It was as if he knew I could hear him…

_How dare you! You have no right. Bella is a good person and doesn't deserve to live in the darkest shadow illuminating from a demon like __**you!**_

I knew that his words were true. But I couldn't help how I jutted out my jaw and fixed him with a daring stare of slight defiance.

Bella tripped from the car, her hair soaking through within seconds of exposure in the rain. I clenched my teeth, hoping she wouldn't get sick.

I glared at the offending car; the old man fixed me with a heated gaze and another flare of profanities. But the old man suddenly lost the folly of my notice.

Instead the little boy, nearing — at the oldest, — _16?_ Captured my interest. He wasn't staring at me, but goggling Bella.

A surge of painful jealously wove like a fire through my veins. More staggering then Mike Newton's pathetic advances or Romeos non-existent threats. Fore, he was reliving a memory. A memory all too vibrant and all too pleasing to be relived in such aspiration.

_"Oh I won't tell anyone, I'm just curious."_ Whispered Bella, her voice peaked with interest, and a small coy smile masked with a hint of seduction. Her dark eyes, elusive in the blur of the memory.

With that, I pressed my foot down hard on the gas pedal.

So that was Jacob Black.

* * *

_Remember guys... the faster you review, the faster I update._


	5. The Bet against Alice

_Hi guys, Hope you like this chapter as much as the last. Please, when you see a mistake (which you will, trust me) tell me!_

**Chapter 17**

**The bet against Alice**

* * *

_With that, I __pressed my foot down hard on the gas pedal. _

_So that was Jacob Black._

* * *

I crept around the encroaching forest that brushed past Bella's backyard. A trees arm fell past the line of the woods, like a distorted limb, a twisted finger of branches pointing at her house.

I could hear the passing of Charlie's greeting.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't see you behind the wheel, Jake,"

He was fifteen then.

I let that information run over my body. I knew I was being audacious and presumptuous to assume that Bella would have any aversion to anyone younger then her seventeen years, but I allowed the assumption of her revulsion to steady my nerves. I even allowed the smallest fraction of pity to wash over my already preconceived notions for this insolent _little_ boy.

"This is a surprise," Charlie said.

His spirit was high, and his usual quiet thoughts began to decipher there unexpected visit.

"It's been too long," The older man, Billy Black, answered. "I hope it's not a bad time." I didn't like the look he threw Bella. His thoughts were in a spiral of worries and accusations.

"No, it's great. I hope you can stay for the game." Charlie replied

"I think that's the plan — our TV broke last week." Jacob laughed, while looking directly at Bella.

I moved closer to the house. Detachedly, straying in the darker shadows that touched the lawn.

"And, of course, Jacob was anxious to see Bella again," Billy Black added. Jacobs's thoughts burned with embarrassment, I couldn't see Bella's reaction, fore he hid his eyes from her. He was respectable, I allowed grudgingly. He didn't fabricate revolting fantasies as was the custom with Mike Newton, but was sincerely happy to just _see _her.

I locked my jaw, inching another fraction towards the house.

Bella retreated, I couldn't decide if this was a bad thing or not. I took her escape as an opportunity to enter Billy Black's mind.

His thoughts were focused and calculating. Deciding what a Cullen's association with Bella meant.

I was getting nervous, he seemed to guess all too quickly what was going on, and his plans were all too drastic if what he assumed was correct. He didn't mind breaking the treaty and providing Charlie with the information he needed to protect Bella from a _cold one._

A thought broke through my concentration. Jacob left, seeking out Bella.

_I wonder if Bella needs help…?_

I delved into his mind. Following each one of his steps, seeing the inside of Bella's house through his eyes, until they fell on Bella herself, busying herself with dinner.

His eyes followed the length of her body twice, before he spoke. "So how are things?"

I knew I was overreacting, God knows that Bella is attractive, and any teenage boy can appreciate that. But that rationalization still didn't smother the rage of jealously that flared within me, making me take two unconscious steps toward the house, my every intention around wringing his throat.

"Pretty good." Bella's low soft voice stopped me. Jacob smiled, and Bella smiled in response. But this wasn't a conventionally polite smile, a smile you'd offer in a customary response to help make a guest feel comfortable. But, it was a real smile, the same smile she'd throw me when I'd meet her for lunch or when she'd laugh. A _genuine _smile.

I watched her eyes. They didn't waver or shift, her body language was relaxed, her forehead smooth, and the small internal hunch in her shoulders was straightened. She was comfortable, she _liked_ Jacob.

"How about you? Did you finish your car?"

"No." he paused, trying to hide his pleasure that Bella had remembered.

I hated leaving Jacobs mind, not while Bella was talking, but focused my attention on Billy Blacks internal monologue and crafty questions.

_Bella doesn't know. She __**needs**__ to know, she's practically offering herself up as bait!_

Billy Black's thoughts turned probing as he asked a sly question to Charlie, his every intention on investigating the full seriousness of Bella's association with a Cullen.

"So how is Bella doing? Did she make any new friends? A _boyfriend_ perhaps?"

Charlie looked thoughtful before answering. "She seems to be doing well; Bella has never been the chatty type." He laughed. "But I think there might be something going on between her and Mike Newton…"

Billy relaxed. His plans wavering and stilling, he wasn't prepared to let this go, but wasn't going to talk tonight. He was going to find out what _my_ intentions were before jumping to hasty conclusions.

I reeled back to the focal conversation.

_I wonder if that's Bella's boyfriend. I wouldn't be surprised if it was. I seriously can't catch a break._

"I got a ride with a friend." Bella answered, her eyes trained down on her task.

I hated these new emotions weaving through me like a twisted snake, ensnaring each of my senses with an unexplainable continuity.

I hated how Bella referred to me as a _friend_! The difference was so distinct and permanent. I was passed in love with her; I knew I wouldn't be able to live without her. I had already subconsciously started to make contingency plans for that fatal day, far into her future. I couldn't even label her as something as wavering and expendable as 'girlfriend'… _Companion? Partner? Consort…? Lover, Mate, Fiancé… Wife?_

The hope was so staggering; I couldn't even catch an unnecessary breath.

"So who was it?" Jacob asked, _prying._

Bella sighed, "Edward Cullen," she mumbled.

Even hearing her say my name secondhand, caused a chill of pleasure to run through me.

Jacob laughed uneasily.

_She must think I'm such an Idiot! I practically accused her boyfriend of being a vampire! A _vampire! _Good one Jake! _

"Guess that explains it, then," he said, trying to salvage some sort of favor with Bella. "I wondered why my dad was acting so strange."

"That's right." Bella responded, an overdone expression of worry on her innocent face. "He doesn't like the Cullens."

I laughed out loud. Bella _really_ couldn't lie; it would've been tragic if she wasn't so cute.

"Superstitious old man." Jacob answered, avoiding Bella's eyes.

"You don't think he'd say anything to Charlie?" Bella asked losing all pretence of acting as her worry betrayed her.

_So she _is_ dating him. Why would she care if my dad said anything to Charlie? I mean, it's not like its true…ah, she probably hasn't told him yet…Maybe they aren't that serious…? Personally I think he's a pretty boy, Not Bella's type. Bella probably is just waiting until someone better comes along… _

"I think Charlie chewed him out pretty good last time. They haven't spoken much since — tonight is sort of a reunion, I think. I don't think he'd bring it up again." Jacob said.

"Oh" Bella sighed, relief flooding her features, as she picked up two plates, balancing them on her forearms and then holding two others in her hands.

Is she insane?! The scene was already painted before me, almost as one of Alice's visions, which was inevitable in the sanest degree. Bella would fall. The food would fall. And she would crack her head on the tile and pass out from the blood.

My reflexes were already on edge before Jacob stopped me. Offering his help without waiting for an answer.

The night slowly dragged, Jacob keeping Bella company, with questions and comments on the game she wasn't watching. She seemed on edge, studying Billy through the corner of her eye.

But she didn't need to worry, Jacob had been right. Billy was content, happily watching the game, and happy to have made-up with Charlie. Only once or twice, usually during commercials, his thoughts would center around Bella and her choices in companionship.

I left. Regretfully returning to my car I had parked a block away. As soon as I turned, I could feel the non-existent ache centered in the pit of my stomach, reminding me of my devastating need. The only way I could stay away was the promise of my return tonight, while she would be sleeping…

--

"I thought you'd never get home!" Alice huffed from where she was sitting on the front steps.

I rolled my eyes, while walking up and sitting next to her.

"You know," Alice mused, while keeping her thoughts in a simultaneously rambling of the alphabet. I _hate _when they do that. "I was right…"

"You're not right on all accounts Alice!" I snapped, throwing her a dark glare.

"Yet," she smiled, opening her mind to throw me a vision. It was elusive, blurry around the edges; I could barely make out Bella's face, though her voice range crystal clear. "You'll never catch _me_ betting against Alice." Her voice was strangely defiant.

I sighed, burying my head in my arms.

Alice giggled, a wind chime of an annoying smugness echoed around the silent scene.

"Alice," I looked up catching her eyes in sudden realization. "You _have_ to promise me that you will not tell Bella how to change, let alone _dare_ do it yourself."

Her smile faded. _Edward, she's my best friend!?_ "I'd never be able to deny her anything she asks…"

I locked my jaw. "Alice if you even _think_ about changing her…"

"I promise I won't change her…"She said in mock serenity, while holding her hand to her dead heart. _I'll leave that up to you. _

I sighed in defeat. "I was just wondering…"

"No I don't see Billy Black telling Charlie. But I do see him discussing his concerns with the other elders of the Quileutes. They agreed to wait and see if you break the treaty first."

That possibility hung over me, a dark cloud of terrifying chance.

"You won't." Alice said her voice a small whisper. She took my hand. "Trust me."

"I wish I had your confidence." I said while musing over all the horrifying possibilities of Saturday.

"So Saturday…" Alice smiled her voice brazen and full of unspoken assumption. She even winked.

I hadn't mentioned Saturday to anyone, and I knew I shouldn't be surprised by Alice's wisdom but I still felt a thrill of annoyance, especially when she continued to repeat rows of the alphabet, this time in Nigerian.

"Do you see anything…? I mean, will I…? I'm…worried, will I be able to …resist."

Alice raised her eyebrows. "As Bella's future best friend, I find it inappropriate and just plain rude to reveal what she would obviously prefer you be left in the dark about."

"What?!" I asked exasperation melting into severe killer instinct. "Alice what aren't you telling me." I could feel panic bubbling up my throat, the worst possible circumstance could be construed as a good thing to Alice.

"You won't do anything Edward, I promise."

"But there is a possibility, isn't there?" I didn't want her to confirm even though I knew she'd be lying if she didn't.

"There's always a choice Edward. Always. You _will _pick the right one. Because you _love_ her." _As she loves you._

"You can't know that." I whispered darkly, trying to fight off the most clinging hope that started to build a place deep within my dead heart and allowing the most inconceivable happiness to spread throughout every possible surface of my body.

"She loves you," Alice smiled, _Me and my big sub-conscious mouth._ "She loves you so much, just as you love her."

I looked away, fighting the hope, trying not to picture it, trying not to see those words formed on Bella's perfect lips. Trying not to feel the heat of her skin still burned into the backside of my hand. Fighting all disrespecting fantasies that centered on all that I knew was wrong.

I swallowed, looking away from Alice's eyes. Trying to fight the hope, I couldn't allow myself to hope, not while I still had everything to loose.

"Will you go hunting tomorrow with me?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

_Of course._ Alice thought a second before I finished the sentence.

"We'll leave after school." She said smiling.

"What? Why?" I asked, "Are you afraid you'll get behind in your classes if we skip?" I raised an eyebrow.

She laughed. "Umm no. But are you afraid to let Bella endure an entire school day alone?"

She had a point.

"Okay we'll leave at lunch." I answered.

"I changed my mind." Alice said quickly. I gave her a quizzical look. "I will only go if you promise to let me talk to Bella tomorrow."

"No." I said without amusement.

"What? Why?! We're going to meet eventually!"

"I know…" I trailed, cringing at the idea of Bella and Alice being as close as 'best friends.' I could see now how Alice would monopolize Bella's limited time. How selfish have I become?

"Just introduce us, Edward." Alice said, her smile slipping into annoyance.

"And if I don't?!" I challenged.

Alice smiled. _I'll introduce myself, and won't fail to mention how completely, infatuated you are with her despite your act of 'normalcy.' And I won't fail to mention how you watch her while she sleeps. Is that enough blackmail to allow me to meet my best friend? _

"You wouldn't dare." I said in mock horror.

"You and I both know that I would. But I daresay Bella probably won't mind that much."

I rolled my eyes.

"Fine." I said, standing while mussing her hair. She giggled, and lopped up.

She kissed my cheek, "Have fun."

I half smiled before disappearing, running through the forest faster then a beat of a human heart. I was through Bella's window, retreating to the confines of the darkest corner of her room.

The room wavered, like the heat of a sunny horizon, a sparkle of the moon danced on her sleeping form. Her heart was loud, the distinct beat of each pump echoed around me, reminding me again and again of my unworthiness.

I hadn't taken a single breath, but closed my eyes as I prepared myself for the challenge. I inhaled deeply, allowing her familiar burning flavor to spin a poisonous web throughout my lungs and pierce each taste bud with the promise of blood, drowning my throat in venom and setting my throat on fire. I cringed, hating myself.

I waited, allowing the flavor of her scent to get lost within myself.

"Edward." She mumbled, sending another chill of pleasure through me.

Subconsciously I crept forward. The fall of my footsteps didn't make a whisper as they brushed across the floorboards. I could feel the draw of her, like a magnetic circuit pulling me towards her, tempting the human that resided, buried underneath time and instinct.

The moonlight kissed her cheek, her eyes hidden in shadow. How I wish I could be the light that touched her. Her lips were slightly parted, as if she were about to whisper another thought, promise another impossible dream, spin fantasy just out of the upper curve of her mouth. I could feel the bend of my neck coming closer and closer. The promise of a kiss so entrancing that I couldn't navigate my fingers from my feet or pull myself away from the persistent force of her.

Her arm laid limp, facing the side of moonlight, her fingers curled around nothing in particular, twitched. My face was centimeters from hers, her breath swooshed into my mouth. Desire battled everything I was, natural desire. Did Bella feel that desire?

"Mmhh, Edward." she whispered so quietly, her voice became part of the night.

I jerked back, her voice bringing me out of the illusion of the dream I was in. I was just about to retreat back into the shadows where I belonged when she spoke again.

"No don't go." Her voice was so wistful and pleading, I couldn't bring myself to move an inch. Again her fingers twitched, this time closing in on the air, as if searching for something.

Did she love me? I fought down the automatic yes that sprang from the hope worming its way in my system like a parasite, feeding off of any inconceivable accusation or idea and building it into a dream so tempting that blood seemed trivial in comparison.

I slowly brought my hand forward, out of the side of darkness that shadows cast me in, and into the minimal light of the moon where her hand lay. Hesitantly I bushed her fingertips, and gently spread my hand in hers, fanning out my fingers between hers. The heat of her spread throughout me, and she sighed. Her fingers squeezed involuntarily.

I sat gently, careful not to disturb the mattress and jostle her awake.

The dawn broke, filling the sky in a gloomy glow of grey clouds, and delivering a new day. Bella sighed, almost as if she knew I had to leave.

"I'll be back soon, love." I whispered, while gently disentangling our locked hands. I flexed my fingers; they felt like I had held them in non-burning fire. She sighed again, rolling over and curling her arm internally, her hand held close to her heart, her fingers in a loose fist, as if she were holding the tiniest piece of what I left with her.

* * *

_Please Review! remember I only update when you match the reviews from last chapter._


	6. The Begining of Balancing

_Hey guys!! I know I'm late in the update…but I was happy to be reminded by the many PM's __prompting me to get my act together. My excuse is not very good, and I feel bad because the Reviews were simply amazing from last chapter (seriously you guys all rock!) But I've updated now, and I promise not to be so slow again. Please note that this chapter is the longest yet, and it was very hard to write. I have to say a huge thanks to _**N16** _for informally editing the last chapter, seriously can't express my gratitude enough! Well enough of my babbling, (which I know half of you don't read) and enjoy, analyze and of course__ REVIEW!!_

**Chapter 18**

**The Beginning of Balancing **

The world was painted in a murky grey, exenterating the green canopies surrounding Bella's yard that brushed the height of the sky.

I waited, time seeming to pass in the most minimal pace. Nothing I've ever experienced, including the tedium of school, moved slower then waiting for Charlie Swan to vacate the premises so I could claim Bella to myself.

As soon as he turned the corner I slid into his space, and almost as fast, Bella was opening the door.

She smiled a _real _smile. Her teeth gleamed and her eyes sparkled. She stopped my breath. And for once her scent came second notice, its flavor crashing into me only after I recovered from the shock of her beauty.

"How did you sleep?" I asked, already knowing her answer. Her face reflected her dreams. Her wide eyes stark in the pearl of her translucent skin.

"Fine," she replied, her smile never wavering. "How was your night?"

I almost laughed. Did she have an hour? Could I explain how last night was the best night that I've ever experienced? Words failed, only the prickle in my fingers and the permanent smile etched across my face could scarcely begin the complicated fabrication of words to unravel my night. _Remember_ don't scare her.

I answered truthfully, "pleasant." It was the biggest understatement ever uttered.

"Can I ask what you did?" she said, almost timidly. Her eyelashes brushed against her cheek.

"No," I laughed, trying to shake off the awe in my voice. "Today is still _mine_."

"Oh, right." She said, disappointed. She stared, eyes down, avoiding my gaze.

The minutes slowly slithered by, and I felt as if each one were stolen by the thick silence that only Bella's heart broke. Was she _angry_ with me? The silence mocked me; I glanced impatiently at her as I slid into the Forks High parking lot.

She absentmindedly glanced out the window, a look of shock betraying her, as if the school had just jumped out from thin air.

Her eyes shifted to mine. I held them; the darkness in the deepest point of her eyes faltered as she closed her eyes and jerked her head from me.

I groaned, it was impossibly frustrating; I couldn't identify any of her emotions, or begin to imagine what she was thinking. "What are you thinking?" I asked, ashamed that I couldn't guess.

She smiled, twisting her head to return her hidden gaze to mine. "I hardly see how this is fair, why should you get yesterday and today?" she said, eyebrows raised, the beginning of a defiant pout in her lips.

I was shocked, and couldn't control my words as the first thing from my lips fell off my tongue. "What else is there to know!? You've asked your questions and I'm determined to ask mine as well."

She sighed, blowing a long stream of richly scented air in my direction. I cut off my breathing as the warmth of her breath brushed my face. "But how could you possibly ask anything more? What else is there?"

Again I answered without first running the words over to search for lack of or overdone normalcy. "Bella," her name seared pleasantly on my mouth. "I've barely begun, there is still so much more."

She blushed under my gaze and looked away. "I really don't see how, I'm really not that remarkable." She looked tentatively up at me.

Shocked, I couldn't hold back my intensity, even though I knew I should. "Bella," her eyes widened, I wondered if I scared her with my gaze or the passionate pitch of my tone. Her heart staggered the beat quickening. I held my tongue, was I really just about to declare my love? I tried to recover with my act of indifference. "You are the single most fascinating person I've met," I paused, the sudden quiet unbearable to stand, "you really don't see that?"

Her cheeks flamed and a smile pulled at her mouth. "No," she met my eyes. "But I understand the feeling."

--

My questions were in nonsensical order, I wanted know if Alice were right. Twice I found the question on my lips, 'do you love me?' but I knew I couldn't ask. We were still in the first stage of any relationship; she would think I was insane (if she didn't already.) But I couldn't help picturing it, the way she'd say yes, and throw herself in my arms so I could finally kiss her and declare my own love.

But my rational self buried underneath the questions reminded me of the very prominent possibility of rejection. She could say no. Would my heart break? Was it possible? I could already begin to feel a thread of pain burn in my insides even at picturing her most possible answer.

I pushed the possibility away, returning to my fantasies. If she did love me, — why? How could she, someone so pure and giving, fall in love with something so evil and selfish? My faults lied in tandem with the elite of malevolence. I couldn't picture Bella —as cliché as the expression— hurting a fly. She could have anyone she wants. Her assets competing with an angel. _My own personal angel._ She could choose anyone, and yet, she chose _me_.

I peeked at her as we walked to the cafeteria, even though her smell was still prominent, I had to make sure she was still there.

Throughout the day I had slyly asked about the relationships of her past. Phil, Renée and the school friends she had left behind. I tried to be discreet as I rallied for information from her, wondering beyond curiosity if she had once had a boyfriend. She was either very oblivious or a very good liar, I had an inkling that she was the latter.

The only true emotion that swept through her about her past was her love for her mother. Her voice would turn wistful and the small pucker in her forehead would deepen, sadness distorting her features. She missed her, and she did not devout the same emotion she possessed when mentioning the few friends she left behind. I couldn't deny the relief I felt, but I still couldn't be sure. That possibility haunted me through each of my never-ending classes.

And that possibility now rose like the stench of rotting flesh and I couldn't control my words. For lack of chivalrousness I sounded like a prying preschooler. "Do you keep in touch with past boyfriends?" I cringed, so much for being discreet in my search to obtain 'normalcy.' My voice could be compared to Mike Newton when he'd pout at her for not going to the dance tomorrow.

She blushed; embarrassment painting her cheeks in brilliant red, the blush ran down her throat. My mouth swam with venom and I had to lean away at such a tempting offer.

"Boyfriends?" she said, over pronouncing the 's' to mock the pluralize of my question. Did that mean she had only had _one?_ That was hard to believe considering how the annoying voices of the male population of Forks, bombarded me with their disgusting fantasies, all evolving around the girl sitting in front of me.

I waited, trying not to let the inarticulateness of my words get the better of me.

"I've never had one." The blush deepened. I gaped. Was it possible that she would just be sparing my feelings? God, what I wouldn't give to pry open her mind and steal those secrets she kept meticulously hidden from me!

"So you never met anyone you wanted?" I asked, desperate to find the truth hidden behind her answers. How could she never have had a boyfriend? The voices around me heightened, almost as if to prove my incredulity.

_She's so hot; I bet she'd be great in the sack. _

_Even Edward Cullen is showing his preference! Of course he takes the one girl I actually want! _

The swell of rejection washed over me again. She must have refused many in her past… but she hasn't rejected me, _yet_.

"Not in Phoenix." She answered. The double meaning was impossible to ignore, and pure pleasure stung every surface of my body. I had to hold my question again, I had to stop myself from jumping up and taking her in my arms, I had to stop the emotion pouring through my veins in a drive of adrenaline.

Instead I tried to quiet the roar of emotions flying through me by repetitively repeating, she wants _me._

The elation was overpowering and what contrasted that was Bella's complete obliviousness. It was as if she didn't think that her last sentence were a big deal she looked passé and ambivalent as she took a bite of her bagel.

_Edward!_

Alice, I looked up to meet her eyes at the farther table across the student body.

_You are not ditching me!_

I cringed; I would be lying to myself if I denied inadvertently making excuses to cancel our hunting plans.

"I should have let you drive yourself today," I said dejectedly, throwing Alice a dirty look. Her laughter rang quietly throughout the room, _smug._

"Why?" her eyebrows furrowed, causing small little lines to spread on her forehead. I wanted to reach out and smooth the worry from her face…

"I'm leaving with Alice after lunch."

"Oh." Her face fell, sadness burning in the chocolate of her eyes. "That's okay, it's not that far of a walk."

"I'm not going to make you walk home." I said impatiently, does she know me so little as to think I would act so unceremoniously rude? "We'll go get your truck and leave it here for you."

She smiled, but it was a fake smile, the smile that didn't light her eyes or lift her cheeks. It made her look even sadder then she was initially. Again the urge to reach out and comfort her coursed through me. "I don't have my key with me. I really don't mind walking," she said.

She sounded so sad, her tone telling me the insincerity in her words. She wasn't lying she just wasn't being entirely truthful. Usually when she was lying it would be obvious in an amusing degree. But instead she sounded gloomy and thwarted. It was unbelievably frustrating, why would she be sad?

I shook my head. "Your truck will be here, and the key will be in the ignition—unless you're afraid someone might steal it." I laughed, trying to lighten the mood and the small frown pulling at Bella's mouth.

"All right," she puckered her lips brazenly, a spark lit her eyes. Ah, she didn't think I could find her key, — ha! I smiled.

"So where are you going?" she asked, her eyes down cast and the corners of her lips turned down.

"Hunting, if I'm going to be alone with you tomorrow, I'm going to take whatever precautions I can." Her eyes flickered up at me, I couldn't decide if that were fear in her eyes, she always had a choice; I had to remind her of that. "You can always cancel you know," I said sadly, hoping that she wouldn't.

Her eyes flickered away, just as fast as they came. She seemed to deliberate, I hated that I gave her an ultimatum; I could already feel the beginning of rejection thicken the air.

"No," she whispered, her eyes flashing to mine again. There was no conflict swirling in the depths, but determination. "I can't."

"Perhaps you're right." I couldn't deny my relief. But at what cost? Bella's eyes were so serious, if she really did love me, how much power did I wield over her decisions? Her expectations? Her _life?_

"What time will I see you tomorrow?" she sounded gloomy, her words forced.

I wonder why?

"That depends…It's a Saturday, don't you want to sleep in?" I asked her, trying to remember all her human habits. I didn't mind, — if she slept only offered another excuse to impose on her sleep ramblings.

"No." she said abruptly, cutting off my last word. She blushed, and I realized that she wanted to see me all that much faster. I had to refrain the smile that threatened to show how clearly that pleased me.

"The same time as usual, then," I offered. "Will Charlie be there?" I asked as an after-thought. Maybe Bella could introduce us…

"No," she beamed. "He's fishing tomorrow."

"And if you don't come home, what will he think?" I challenged.

"I have no idea," she said frankly, her eyes suspiciously cool. "He knows I've been meaning to do the laundry. Maybe he'll think I fell in the washer." She smiled sarcastically.

I tried not to rejoice in the unjustified trust she was bestowing me. She _should_ tell someone, maybe just maybe, if _I_ knew someone would know we were together… I wouldn't… I mean I would never… I won't.

"What are you hunting tonight?" she asked, discreetly changing the subject.

"Whatever we find in the park. We aren't going far." I had no intention of hunting more satisfying game, I don't think I'll ever be able to claim my favorites when I knew Bella would be sleeping. Nothing compared to her dreams.

"Why are you going with Alice?" she asked curiously.

"Alice is the most…supportive." I thought of our meeting how Alice seemed so sure that Bella would someday become her sister. I cringed at the thought.

"And the others?" she asked, her voice pulling me out of my reverie. "What are they?"

"Incredulous, for the most part." I mused over Emmett's thoughts, focusing on the unbelievable. His voice of reason questioning our physical relationship, other then evaluating our emotional relationship.

Her eyes which had been so focused on me shifted to stare at my family. "They don't like me," she said plainly.

"That's not it." I tried to reassure her. The truth was they just didn't understand her; they had all either accepted her as a future member of our clan or labeled her as an idiot. I don't think either of those explanations would satisfy her need of comfort. "They don't understand why I can't leave you alone."

Her face twisted, her lips pouting adorably. "Neither do I, for that matter."

"I told you—you don't see yourself clearly at all. You're not like anyone I've ever known. You fascinate me."

She glared at me. Did she not think I was serious?

How completely infuriating she was. I now understand all those novels and all those books created on the sole basis of discovering the opposite sex. It was as if she was hearing what I was saying, but choosing to decipher and depict it into something negative. I always thought that human nature was so predictable and fickle, but now it's as if all my ideologies are inside out, all reason gone out the window. "Having the advantages I do," I said, touching my forehead discreetly, a smile in my voice. "I have a better than average grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But you…you never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise."

She dropped her eyes. Just like that the window to her mind closed by a simple droop of her eyelids. Her emotions were unreadable her movements all involuntarily.

I thought coherently, under her gaze I was disjointed. I tried to use this to my advantage.

"That part is easy enough to explain," I trailed; she had to know the danger, the confusion I felt. The scent of her blood alone reminded me of the diabolical creature I am, but the other needs —the other _desires_ sprang forth so unexpectantly I couldn't prepare myself by holding my breath or taking a step back. And sometimes the desire seemed stronger then natural instinct… "But there's more…and it's not so easy to put into words—"

Abruptly, an angry web of thoughts burst from my abandoned table. _Rosalie._ Her eyes flashed, anger spewing through her stance and her eyes darkening a pitch in colour. Her look focused on Bella.

I hissed, loud enough for her to hear and loud enough to scare Bella. Rosalie looked away her thoughts aggravated. I knew how she felt the sense of betrayal wasn't unjust, but her aggression towards Bella was. She would forever hate me, and I could live with that, but her pride would also keep her hating Bella… and there was nothing I could do about it.

Bella's wide eyes met mine. She was frightened.

"I'm sorry about that. She's just worried." I didn't know how to explain. I couldn't tell her the complex jealousy Rosalie had for her, her jealousy around my favor and Bella's state of mortality. I settled for half the truth it wasn't my place to explain Rosalie's faults and ambitions. "You see…it's dangerous for more than just me, if, after spending so much time with you so publicly…" I couldn't finish, it would never happen, she had to know that. She had to.

"If?" she asked hesitantly.

"If this ends…badly." There was a possibility, no matter how much I pretended to deny it. Alice's voice echoed in my head '_there's always a choice_.' But what if I made the wrong choice? How could I place her in such danger? In every way she was my weakness. I buried my face in my hands; I loved her so much, but was that love enough? Would some flaw in my mutated make-up cancel out the instinct of my kind? Could the human in me triumph over the evil? I so wanted to believe it.

Bella's voice rang softly, "And you have to leave now?" it wasn't a question but an escape. She only asked as a means of releasing me.

"Yes." I answered, lifting my head to face her. She looked upset, her eyes full of worry, or was she still scared? I tried to lighten the mood. "It's probably for the best. We still have fifteen minutes of that wretched movie left to endure in biology—I don't think I could take anymore."

_Edward, are you alright?_ Alice asked from where she stood behind me. Bella blanched.

"Alice," I acknowledge.

"Edward," she said her voice full of excitement.

_You Promised!!_

I almost laughed. "Alice, Bella—Bella, Alice," I said, indicating my hand to each.

"Hello, Bella," Alice smiled. "It's nice to finally meet you." _And about time too! Considering you and I will be best friends and future sisters someday…_

I glared at her.

"Hi, Alice," Bella answered, a shade of red darkening her face. I smiled; she was so cute when she's shy.

"Are you ready?" _Or do you want me to wait while you make love to her with your eyes? _

"Nearly," I replied unfazed. "I'll meet you at the car."

She walked away her thoughts trailing behind her. _You do know your act of casualness is ridiculous; you both stick out like love struck puppies. _

"Should I say 'have fun,' or is that the wrong sentiment?" Bella asked a smile in her voice.

I smiled, "no, 'have fun' works as well as anything."

"Have fun, then." Her voice was deceptively happy. I realized the scorn of her sadness. She was sad that I was leaving. The pain in her eyes was pointed at my departure. Again, pleasure flamed deep within me and I tried to fight it back guiltily, as her fake smile fell.

"I'll try." My smile couldn't be smothered. "And you try to be safe, please."

"Safe in Forks—what a challenge."

"For you it _is_ a challenge," I said completely serious. "Promise."

"I promise to try to be safe," she said reluctantly. "I'll do the laundry tonight—that ought to be fraught with peril."

"Don't fall in," I teased.

She rolled her eyes. "I'll do my best."

I hesitantly got to me feet and watched as she did the same.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she sighed sadly, this time not trying to hide her obvious disappointment.

"It seems like a long time to you, doesn't it?" I asked, amused.

She nodded, her eyes downcast and her lips sad.

"I'll be there in the morning," I promised, trying to erase the sadness enveloping her like a grey cloud. I hesitantly reached across the table, her heart stammered in anticipation and brushed my fingers along her cheekbone. The heat stung the tips of my fingers and before I let my emotions get the better of me, I dropped my hand and walked away.

I looked back when I reached the door; Bella stood there, a dazed expression on her face and her long fingers tracing her cheek, where I touched her.

* * *

_Hey guys, as I've already apologized for my slow update I feel the need to do it again. All of your reviews were amazing, and please don't think I'm too slow, I'm almost done the next chapter and I swear this update will be the fastest yet, (but don't hold your breath, it will be longer then a day.) reviews would be muchly appreciated, as always. _


	7. Unsafe

_So last chapter got the least reviews… but coincidentally enough, it accumulated the most alerts…so everyone who has alerted this story please review!_

_Enjoy and such… :D_

**Chapter 19**

**Unsafe**

* * *

I looked back when I reached the door; Bella stood there, a dazed expression on her face, her long fingers tracing her cheek, where I touched her.

* * *

Bella's door creaked as I opened it using the key she kept conspicuously hidden under the eave. Alice giggled from where she was jumping up and down behind me. I wish she would've stayed in the car…

_This is so exciting!_

I sighed, dragging my hand over my face. "Alice, this isn't the first time we've broken into a house. In fact we've broken into much more exciting, high security _buildings_…and you're excited about a house that doesn't even have an alarm…?" Wait, why doesn't this house have an alarm! There could be burglars or assailants, who could sneak in, in the dead of night and…

Alice sighed, placing a hand on my shoulder, at first I thought she was trying to comfort me, but instead she used that hand to jerk my shoulder back so she could walk into the house. "Edward, stop thinking about installing an alarm system, I'm sure _Chief _Swan would notice…" she raised her eyebrows a smile in her eyes.

Right, who would break-in to the chief of police house…But Bella's luck, or lack-there of, still kept me worried, maybe I would stay every night just in case. My worry vanished.

"Now let's snoop!" she squealed.

I threw her a dirty look, a warning in my eyes.

"I mean, find the key." She corrected hastily.

I rolled my eyes, "it's in a pair of dark wash jeans in the laundry room, but it could still be upstairs, although I didn't see any laundry last night." The last time Bella drove her truck on Wednesday she was wearing those jeans…

Alice beamed, "I'll check to be safe." With that she bolted up the stairs.

I sighed, there was no stopping her. I turned into the living room with the intention of finding the laundry room. I looked up and was confronted with a pair of familiar dark brown eyes.

"Oh. My. God!" Alice squealed in horror, her voice drifting loud through the ceiling.

_How could she wear this!! _

I shook my head, returning my gaze to Bella, who was staring unwaveringly from the portrait sitting on the mantel.

I got lost in the mirror of her eyes, dazed even at a shoddy reproduction of the real thing.

"Ahh hah! I knew I'd find you hear!" Alice's interruption made me turn sheepishly, but I realized she still was ransacking Bella's room.

"Did you find the key?" I called, when her thoughts didn't offer an explanation to her random speech.

"Not yet," she called in a sing-song voice.

I looked back at the mantle; rows of Bella's were displayed in a clutter of mismatched frames and propped photos, gleaming underneath a thin layer of dust.

My eyes passed over each picture, some were blurry, candid, even my eyes couldn't see the exact shape or size of a smudged picture. The flash or shape of obscured eyes, a streak of brown, a toothless smile or informal scowl. Each picture showing a million stories and despite all my questions she seemed even more of a mystery.

In a recent school picture her hair hung heavily in her face, hiding half her eyes, and the tell-tale hint of a smirk lifted her cheeks. Even in her photos she mocked me with her forbidden secrets.

Flashes of her childhood to her early teens to her present. Candid or posed, documenting her life, her _life_.

The clutter displayed a sentimental untidiness, filling the walls and surface of the mantle until each frame touched shoulders but there was still space to be made. Space left for her future, for her graduation photos, her college commencement, her _wedding_… This realization offered such a stuttering prick of sadness that I had to look away.

Bella's belongings and scent were strewn over every surface of the house, commemorating and documenting her time, her possessions, her life. Had I subconsciously intended on stealing this from her?

_No_! Hypocrite.

A lie. I was deceiving myself intensifying the impossibly painful guilt. How dare I even fantasize about such an appalling impossibility? How could I condone my involuntary wish?

My eyes flickered over the stage mirroring the beginning of Bella's experiences again. Each one depicting event after event of her restricted existence.

A photo caught my eye; Bella was young her smiling face filling the frame. She was facing the sun, causing her eyes to squint. Her hand was fanned over her forehead shielding her from the light, creating the tiniest amount of shade to offer the camera a sliver of the brown in her eyes.

I shuddered at such an infraction, how could I even begin to imagine a life with Bella, when she has so much to live for? Her life is just beginning, her potential full of possibilities and her future accomplishments.

What was I expecting? Would I just tag along with her trapped in my never-aging seventeen year old self? She would loose interest in me, her horizon to vast and bright to allow my kind to stagger in her sun. I would leave it was inevitable…

_But what if she wished I were to stay?_

I would stay, — how could I not? — As long as she wants me, as long as she _needs _me.

Inescapably the end would come too fast, she would grow-up and reflect on our time together as nothing of importance, — an impossible circumstance and waste of time.

_What would come of me?_

I certainly can't live without her, is it enough to know she is happy?

_Yes._

Would I just pick up where I left off? Living in the company of my family, feeling as complete in myself as I once was?

_No_.

I could never return to the life I once had. Looking back, it seemed empty, like a vast black sky, the darkness a velvet curtain of nothing. Death seemed more desirable.

I would wait in her shadows until the day she left this earth, I would leave soon after. The world would loose the sun without her, all reason and purpose would die with her and nothing would be left to make reason of, to grasp, to begin to live for.

I would stay with her until the day she dies, I cringed, a shiver of trepidation running up my spine. It's natural, I reasoned, trying to kill the flare of pain that offered that image a sickening reality, — the price of all human life.

I couldn't rationalize a life without Bella, but I knew that I should...

I was corrupting her innocence, remembering the flicker of sadness reflect in her eyes, her smile falling after realizing that I was leaving. Was I so selfish as to glory in her pain? To feel pleasure that her day would darken, knowing I wouldn't be with her? I was already inflicting despair in her world and I've barely begun to decipher her, doesn't affection grow with time?

Bella was already everything to me, so indescribably important that life without her seemed meaningless. But would her perception of _me _continue to grow past affection, past what Alice described as love? She'd never be able to match my devotion to her, but if she felt just a centimeter of the love I felt…I wouldn't bring happiness into her world, but pain, inevitably with my departure.

But if she loved me as I so hoped, it would just create another impossible excuse to stay…

I should leave now before it's too late. Before her attachment grows, corrupting her future in pointless heartache.

But I couldn't bring myself to even consider it. To turn from the wall of Bella's and walk out the door, never to look back. It sounded so simple a mindless task that shouldn't involve a flicker of hesitation…But just thinking of it caused a howl of torture to burn my insides.

I couldn't allow a dream that would eliminate myself in her future. Where would I go? What would I continue to live so pointlessly for? I had found the one thing that I was subconsciously searching for. Just when I felt as if I closed my fingers around what I wanted, to feel the warmth of Bella's blood through the pulse in her hand, just to have the grip of her hand slip away sounded worse then burning. Like touching smoke for a fraction of a second before it melted in the air. Knowing that I could be happy in this reality how could I, after finally obtaining her, even consider leaving her? I couldn't. The thought was not even something I could grasp or even begin to participate. It wasn't an option I wouldn't, _couldn't,_ leave her.

Not even if it were the right thing to do, to leave now before her attachment became more of a flicker of disappointment at my leaving. I would stay, because I love her, but I knew someday I would have to leave for the same reason.

I turned away from the photos; the rows of the familiar brown eyes stalked me and held unspoken accusations as I fled from under her gaze. I was stealing that future, her life, — for me! — How selfish have I become as too allow this to happen?

--

"Got it!" Alice said, interrupting me from where I stood motionless above the decision of right and wrong, the oblivion of torture and selfishness.

"What?" I asked, dazed.

Alice was layered in a stockpile of clothes, Bella's potent scent increasingly evident on each. It would have been comical if it wasn't so horrifying.

Her sprite form invisible through the clothes piled high to her chin. She winked adamantly and pointed with her chin to her inaccessible right hand clutching Bella's key.

"Alice," I took a deep breath trying to steady my nerves, Bella's scent teased my irrational side. "What, may I ask, are you doing?"

"Bella simply cannot wear this —or this —and definitely not this—!" she clutched the pile of clothes protectively to her side, as if she _knew_ I would never allow her to _steal_ Bella's clothes. This is why Bella needed an alarm. "You must agree Edward, you can't see her cute little form behind these shapeless bags that she calls clothes!"

I clutched my temple, trying not to agree with her… "Alice this is Bella's _entire_ wardrobe!"

_She can walk around naked from now on, I bet _you'd _enjoy that quite a bit…_

She winked. I growled.

"Don't worry I plan on replacing every unfortunate garment here." Alice pouted, already anticipating my answer.

"Alice I really don't want to have to argue right now… I think we both know that Bella would be uncomfortable with you buying her a new wardrobe—" she opened her mouth in rebuke but closed it just as fast. "And the whole breaking-and-entering aspect will be ruined if you spoil it with leaving expensive designer clothes in our wake." I raised my eyebrows, amusing myself by picturing Bella returning home to a new wardrobe…and maybe even a new car…? She would be so mad!

"Ahh, fine!" she dumped the clothes from her arms to the couch. The smell lingered in a heightened sweetness that swirled in the air. "But there's no way Bella will be nearly as mad at new clothes then an unexplained _Audi Coupé_ gracing her drive way."

"Ah so that's what I get her…" I smiled.

"No, it's what you're thinking about getting her, but Bella will never let you buy her a new car." Alice smiled smugly. _But she does bestow pity on me. She'll have a new wardrobe in less then a week!_

I narrowed my eyes. "Put those back," I said detachedly while snatching the keys out of her hands. "I'll bring her truck to the school…"

"Are you sure you don't want one last whiff before I put these back Eddiekins?" she teased as I turned to leave.

"No I've had my fill, thank you," I flashed her a smile.

___You're a terrible Liar Edward._

I laughed, bounding down to Bella's truck opening her door to replenish my senses with her scent. Alice was right; I would never get my fill of her.

_--_

I drove to the school. I drove _slowly_ to the school. I drove so slowly to the school that the particles drifting beside the cab window beat me.

I became more and more convinced with each grunt and roar of the engine that this truck had to go. It was simply ridiculous, a joke of audacities, there was no way Bella could drive this, not if I had anything to do with it.

After forever I reached the school, surprised that it wasn't let out yet.

I glanced over the dash; I wonder if Bella's alright?

A sneak peak into Mike Newton's mind showed her disgruntled eyes carefully concealed behind a mask of indifference. I smiled.

I left the cab, watching Bella through Mike's eyes. They were in gym, I watched in dismay as Bella attempted to get out of her team mate's way and managed to fall.

"Bella are you alright?" Mike asked.

"I'm fine," she said accepting his offering hand to help her up. I gritted my teeth. She quickly examined her elbows for scrapes and smiled, relief flooding her features, when she found no evidence of her clumsiness. I laughed out loud.

I was just about to leave, to salvage some time, but I hesitated looking back at the school. I drifted to her truck and in addendum, grasped a stray piece of paper littering her cars floor and uncapped a pen.

I wavered, the pen taut and ready over the sheet, I didn't know what to write…

_Be safe._

I scrawled hoping she'd think I wasn't mocking her. I wish I could leave her something more vital, something that could protect her other then a stray hope she may not be able to follow.

I left, anxiety hitching my pace. I hoped she would try to follow my heed. I knew there wasn't anything I wouldn't give to keep her safe, but that possibility was abolished, because tomorrow I would allow myself to be alone in her presence. And wasn't I, the biggest predator of all? If I were to really wish her to be safe, how could I possibly allow her biggest danger to impose in her life? Me.

* * *

_So a lot of you lovely reviewers have expressed some excitement in the anticipated meadow scene…well I'm sorry to disappoint, but I've decided to skip the meadow completely…The pressure is quite overwhelming and I believe that your own imagination can interpret Edwards thoughts…_

_Lol __**joking**__, oh wow that was too easy, (I know I'm lame!) I'm just as excited, if not more, then you!! So review please and I'll be happy to update with the most anticipated chapter yet!!_


	8. Hope

_Hey guys I wasn't kidding about the pressure, it seems that every single one of you were waiting specifically for this particular chapter… _

_When first reading twilight (when in retrospect I barely knew Edward) I was really confused by his actions and reactions in the meadow, but now (as I fancy myself to be an expert on the inner workings of his mind--humble am I not?) I hope that I've captured Edward's confusion and inner turmoil. _

_Bella was right when she said that this was the turning point in our favorite couples relationship, I just hope I can do it justice._

_Review even if you hated it! (Which some of you will, inevitably inevitably.)_

**Chapter 20**

**Hope **

Streaks of grey smothered the orange and yellow that glinted in the sky. The tiniest promise of sun peaking over the edge of an early morning mist. Clouds overpowered the shimmering light that tried to break through in clusters of useless sparkling glitter. The swirling darkness of grey, dominating the faucets of the sky, a sinister reproach on the courage of any light that would dare try to wash the town in light.

It was early, too early for conventional visits. I glared at the sky, willing time to hurry up and then slow down just as fast so I could stretch the day with Bella.

The whole day with Bella.

I tried to fight the pleasure that built up inside me. The anticipation causing me to fidget, twisting my fingers and shift from foot to foot, agitation driving each of my nerves to its tightest point of confusing anxiety. These impulses and reactions were so unusual, nothing compared to my natural behavior, so unlike _me_, so — _human. _

I concentrated, listening for a breath of movement or the stutter of her heartbeats. The town was on the cusp of wake, the anticipation for a new day slowly stirring the air. I could feel that anticipation worming its way through the wind that jostled the forests branches lifting the tell-tale hint of Bella's scent that lingered at the edge of her property. Diluted with grass and dirt, stretched to be just the slightest hint of freesia.

I breathed in deeply. Pins and needles filled my lungs where the particles of her fragrance brushed against me. My throat doused in venom slicking a birth of salty want to heighten the fire that burned in my esophagus. I clutched at my knees, doubled over to contain the monster that roared within me.

It was only a second, a tiniest miscalculation. I contained myself minutely, allowing the blood from my hunt to churn in my veins and replenish the need that roared within me. The blood extinguished the fire that singed my throat and the venom slowly evaporated.

Her scent, her delectable maddening scent. Had I really forgotten its affect on me? It had been nearly eighteen hours since I smelled that scent. Eighteen hours since I had last seen Bella. It was the longest eighteen hours of my existence.

It was as shocking and unsuspecting as our first encounter, still so strong in its devastating desire. I had become determinedly accustomed to her, allowing the flavor of her fragrance to wash over me, wanting to become familiar with it. If I could just get used to it, if it surrounded me enough, maybe my body's first instinct wouldn't be the strike of a kill. But that notion was palpably unreachable not when even the most minimal measure of her fragrance could bring me to my knees. Would she ever truly be safe with me?

I slowly walked towards her house coming out of the shadows the forest cast me in to reveal myself in the streaks of light the clouds couldn't contain.

I took a deep breath as I approached the awning that hovered over Bella's front door. The air was spitefully sweet with Bella's scent. I tried not to let its minimal bouquet conquer my control but held it in my lungs, forcing my darker instincts to except it. When I was satisfied with my control I hesitantly but eagerly knocked.

The click of the deadbolt thudded loud in my ears, the quiet of the morning reverberated with silent eeriness. I tried not to let the hint of unease boiling in the pit of my stomach betray me, the only trepidation I felt was for Bella's safety — compromised with my presence.

She opened the door. Her eyes were eager and her expression a mask of relief. A smile flitted over her lips stretching her lips wide and lifting her eyes, a secret sparkle mocking me. She released a breath of air that wafted in my face.

My body tightened as the heat of her breath warmed my face. Her scent, so much more potent, pulled at my senses in the devious temptation of the blood that filled her cheeks.

My eyes glided over her body, as unnaturally as my fidgety anticipation, I couldn't help myself. Her small form was concealed behind a form fitting tan sweater layered with a white button down, the collar peeking over the "v" that fell between her throat and her collar bone.

I couldn't hold back my laugh. Alice's sly knowing smile revealed itself as she handed me, seemingly naturally, from her bag a tan sweater. I thought nothing of it as I pulled it over my head, thinking Alice just wanted me to look presentable, my outfit consisting of a tan sweater with a white shirt underneath. So this was Alice's idea of a joke.

"Good morning." I chuckled.

"What's wrong?" she gasped, looking down to examine herself.

"We match." I explained.

Her eyes widened as she looked from my eyes down the line of my body. Tingles followed her eyes from where they passed over me and I suddenly felt self conscious. I shook my head trying to erase the human that was slowly corrupting me. She giggled greeting my eyes again.

I swallowed, the feeling of trepidation heightened, tightening the knot in my stomach. She looked hesitant, the small furrow between her eyes was visible, her eyes unsure. Self consciousness slowly settled over me again. Did she still want to go? Was she scared? What is she thinking?

I turned away hiding my eyes from her and walked over to her truck. I cringed internally as I fought my natural reflex that automatically hedged me over to the driver's side. I waited discomfited and anxiously by the passenger side trying to hide the scowl that twisted my lips.

She flashed me a mockingly sympathetic smile. "We made a deal," she said complacently while climbing into the cab and unlocking the door for me.

I cringed, this time not even trying to hide my ill contempt, remembering the impossibly slow drive yesterday.

"Where to?" she asked, grinning.

"Put your seatbelt on—I'm nervous already."

She rolled her eyes, placidly complying with my request. "Where to?" she repeated, her voice hitched with slight annoyance.

"Take the one-oh-one north," I said trying to hide my smile.

She slowly backed up, maneuvering carefully, guiding the truck onto the road. I watched her face closely. She seemed very concentrated on just the simple task of driving. She was barely touching the speed limit and seemed hesitant as she pressed down the gas pedal with the tips of her shoes. I pressed my lips together.

"Were you planning to make it out of Forks before nightfall?" I teased unable to contain such an easy strike.

"This truck is old enough to be your car's grandfather—have some respect," she said unabashed, her eyes never leaving the road.

Her scent churned in the air and soon I found it easier to breathe in normal acceptable levels. I watched her, her steady concentration, determined eyes and locked grip. I realized she was nervous, I could tell by the stutter in her heartbeats every few seconds or her compulsive tightening on the steering wheel. Normally I'd think she was scared, but something past regular intuitiveness told me she wasn't.

I realized detachedly that nearly a half an hour went by. But I found that time didn't seem relevant, as long as I was with her.

The repetitive suburban houses were quickly replaced with stray trees closing in on a thickening forest to prove the isolation we were headed too.

"Turn right on the one-ten," I said, my voice crackled the silence that hung before us. She nodded slightly without a comment.

"Now we drive until the pavement ends." I said, trying to fill the void in front of us with dialogue. The trip we made together didn't feel awkward — in fact— the silence seemed comfortable, but I couldn't speak for Bella. Her eyes remained glued ahead.

"And what's there, at the pavement's end?" she mused, did I imagine the waver in her voice?

Bella was an interwoven tapestry of a mystery, each thread more beautiful and mesmerizing then the last, a vast delicate spindle work that could be unwoven by a single tug in the wrong direction. Her mind was barred from me and maybe the contentment I felt were the opposite for her. Maybe she were having second thoughts, wondering if the road that ends would be parallel to her life?

"A trail." I answered, searching her face.

"We're hiking?" she asked, trying to conceal the worry that rang out clearly through her eyes.

"Is that a problem?" I asked, knowing her fluctuating degrees of balance.

"No." she said quickly — too quickly— her voice betrayed her.

"Don't worry," I smiled, "It's only five miles or so, and we're in no hurry."

My words didn't reassure her. Her face drained of color and her eyes glazed over sodden with forbidden thoughts that didn't offer her taut body any release.

"What are you thinking?" I blurted out. I was afraid of her answer, hoping she wasn't afraid, that she _knew_ she could trust me… _can she?_

The unspoken question swirled in the air.

She feigned casualness. "Just wondering where we're going."

I sighed internally, knowing I'd never be used to the silence that accompanied her pretense. "It's a place I like to go when the weather is nice." I said while glancing at the sky.

The grey mist that seethed over the horizon was slowly thinning and sparkles of orange and pink peeked through the small cracks that pieced up the sky.

"Charlie said it would be warm today." She said wistfully, her eyes reflecting the gold that seeped through in a long shimmering streak to brighten the fog.

"And did you tell Charlie what you were up to?" I asked hesitantly watching as the gold in her eyes flicker and melt back into dark chocolate.

"Nope." She smiled thinly.

"But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together?" I smiled. Jessica knows were together she would know that Bella were with me — if anything were to happen— I swallowed tasting the bitterness and after flavor of steel and blood that didn't quench my thirst, hanging on my tongue..._nothing is going to happen,_ I vowed silently.

"No, I told her you cancelled on me—which is true."

"No one knows you're with me?" I asked, unable to hold the malice that seethed with each word.

I would be lying to myself if I denied the comfort that Jessica's wisdom brought me. But now the comfort distorted replaced instead with a small piece of something forbidden that hung in the back of my mind, _No one knows she's with me…_

The calculations were even worse. My fastidious mind swiftly planning out the few obstacles, fantasizing about the quick pleasure, and building a quick alibi if any questions were to be asked if Bella didn't make it home…

"That depends…I assume you told Alice?" she said.

"That's very helpful, Bella," I snapped. My control took a huge hit, I couldn't bring myself to look at her, for if I did I know that she would see the monster mirrored in the mask of my gold eyes.

"Are you so depressed by Forks that it's made you suicidal?"

She stared straight ahead, her face a mask of ease. "You said it might cause trouble for you…us being together publicly," she said her eyes still imperiously glued ahead.

I swallowed hard, trying to fight the tips of my fingers from the desire of reaching out to cup her chin to make her look at me. "So you're worried about the trouble it might cause _me_—if _you_ don't come _home_?" I asked sarcastically.

She nodded, the slightest flicker of something passed over her face. I couldn't decipher it fast enough before her mask of indifference appeared again.

Did she have no regard for her own self interest at all?

"Is she crazy? Of course the one girl I actually love has a permanent fascination with danger." I glared at the subject in question. She seemed so nonchalant and innocent. She hadn't heard my declaration or my reproach.

Silence wove through the air again. I knew I was being hypocritical. I know I should be the stronger one, that I should leave. But my heart was already in too far and even the slightest inkling of rational instinct constricted my chest in utter turmoil. If Bella felt even a miniscule of the love I felt for her, she would be justified in her actions. It was useless to try and make her see the truth I was trying to convey to her, not when I couldn't even do what I silently wished she would do. How could I expect her to leave me when I couldn't leave her?

The world past in a blur and my thoughts clamored to a halt as Bella parked her truck, the road had vanished.

I was still trying to collect my thoughts when she opened her door and hopped out. Her back faced me and I watched as she lifted her sweater over her head replacing obliviously my thoughts, which had been spinning on the brink of right and wrong into a tangle of illicit fantasy.

I shifted in my seat, swallowing hard. I had to tell myself twice that I needed to move. I stiffly removed my own sweater and stepped out of the car.

"This way," I said, glancing back at her.

"The trail?" Her voice cracked, panic stifling her supposed apathy.

"I said there was a trail at the end of the road, not that we were taking it."

"No trail?" she said in horror.

"I won't let you get lost." I teased, turning as we entered the line of the forest to search he eyes.

Her face was drained of colour, the internal hunch in her shoulders was obvious as she wrapped her arms protectively inwards. I stifled a gasp. Her eyes were painted in a glass of daunting fear. I shouldn't be surprised, I told myself brusquely, trying without accomplish to smother the pain that choked in my chest. Had I really allowed myself the inconceivable notion of beginning to hope?

That hope now slithered from me, stopping at my heart to slice it in a breathless ache. I knew this was always a possibility, in fact it was something I had known would happen and had even related to her. But even as I knew it was going to happen I was still unprepared for the stuttering pain that twisted my insides.

"Do you want to go home?" I offered in my smallest most unthreatening voice. My voice caught and palpable pain contorted my tone.

"No." she said. Her eyes cleared and she stepped forward bringing herself a quarter of an inch away from me.

Where had her fear gone? How could she bring herself closer to me when she's finally realized the danger? What was she afraid of? "What's wrong?" I asked, confusion melting my disposition.

"I'm not a good hiker," she said grudgingly, her eyes very deep glistened in darkness. "You'll have to be very patient."

I knew she wasn't telling the whole truth, but that strange intuitiveness told me that she wasn't afraid of me.

"I can be patient — if I make a great effort." I said trying to lighten the mood. I smiled trying to use her own tactics against her. The inconceivable smile that would lighten my face in contagious enlightenment whenever she would smile.

She smiled her fake smile. Her hair brushed past her forehead to hide her eyes from me. "I'll take you home," I promised quietly.

She jerked her head and her hair flew from her eyes, sudden resolve narrowed her determination. "If you want me to hack five miles through the jungle before sundown, you'd better start leading the way."

I frowned at her but turned to lead the way.

Thoughts began to spin through me, a trance of insinuation. My heart torn on the brink of right and wrong. I tried not to think of this, _I've made my decision, _I concluded chasing away the guilt that pulsed through me, a ticking reminder in the floorboards of a _Tell-Tale Heart_.

Time began to spread as fast as the car ride. Bella's step echoed loud around the canopies spread out before us. I walked slightly ahead, moving branches and maneuvering steps she could follow easily. I followed her step through the reverberating of her heartbeat. When I allowed myself to glance at her she would be looking down at her footing, her arms spread out to touch the trees on either side of her, careful to toe the earth before allowing her weight to press down. I realized detachedly with any one else I would be highly annoyed, but with her it was past redeeming — _cute,_ I concluded.

A tree blocked the path, the height just above my chest. I swiftly hopped over it, balancing my weight on my hand while swinging my legs over. I looked back at Bella, her eyes wide. She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. "If you expect me to do that, you don't know me very well." She quipped. I laughed and watched in wonder as her mask faltered and a smile pulled at her flawless lips.

I reached over, hesitation and instinct causing the air around us to buzz with the same electricity that thickened the air in the darkness of biology class. I helped her maneuver over by guiding her arm, my grip tightened as her balance faltered, she kept steady and gracefully climbed over.

Her skin warmed under my touch. I met her eyes, her cheeks filled with blood and her heart pounded in her chest. As soon as her feet reached solid ground I regretfully released her, turning quickly to continue. My hand burned with slight tingles.

I tried not to let my thoughts run away with me, unimaginable fantasies spinning out of control. I tried not to let the warm tingles shoot up my arm in devastating want. But human desire conquered, reminding me that Bella wanted the same thing. Her heart still pumped loud and hard, similar to that of Mrs. Coop or other human females when I would use my eyes to convince them— _dazzle_ them, as Bella said. I tried to hide my smile.

The sky began to lighten and the forest around us turned into a brightened green that matched the change in the silence before us. I asked her questions, random thoughts she hadn't answered or I hadn't thought to ask.

She slipped as she mused about her first grade teacher. Her footing not as reassured and compromised with her speech. I turned, catching her before her head hit the ground. The warmth of her saturated my core from where the heat of her blood warmed my hands through the thin cotton of her shirt. She gasped a hot breath dousing my face as I set her on her feet.

She blushed ten shades of red and I smiled as I turned, asking her to continue. I helped her a few times, guiding her elbow over rocks and trees. Her hair snagged in an overhang of a branch and I stilled her as I untangled it. Her heart always thudded louder each time.

"Have you ever had a pet?" I asked her when we reached our half-way point.

"Uhh, Yes." She muttered.

I turned surprised at her reluctance and shocked at the blood that saturated her cheeks, her eyes focused on a twig at my feet.

"Bella?" I raised my eyebrows stepping a foot closer.

I hope I hadn't drudged up bad memories, maybe she had a dog or a cat that got ran over. "What's wrong?" I asked gently when she didn't look up.

"It's stupid — I mean." She looked up then, her eyes unsure and her voice wavered in a crack of embarrassment. "I didn't even _want_ a pet. But my mother thought it would be a good idea. She actually really wanted them for herself and just used me to pawn off the responsibilities…"

I simpered a smile. "You mean the types of responsibilities such as feeding? Or cleaning up the feces right?"

"Yes." She admitted. I raised my eyebrows. "I did! I fed it everyday! I promise!"

I pressed my lips together. "What happened?" I asked unable to contain my curiosity.

"It died." She said looking down and scuffing her toe on the ground.

"Oh, I'm sorry Bella."

She shook her head. "It's okay."

"Did it get hit by a car?" I asked softly.

"No, it wasn't a dog or a cat. His name was speedy — and well, and then speedy 2 and then —just in case the name was a jinx— just Gonzales." She bit her lip.

"So you had three _mice_?" I asked, mystified.

"No fish." She corrected. "Three fish at different intervals one after the other. I had them in a space of one week." She looked down. "I gave each of them a funeral."

I laughed. I laughed loud. I couldn't help it, picturing little Bella dropping each fish into the toilet while reciting a planned eulogy was priceless.

She smiled, pushing my shoulder in a playful manner, I stiffened, as the warmth of her fingertips creeped though my shirt. "After the third I kind of gave up on the whole institution."

That set me laughing again.

--

The rest of the trip past in comfortable silence. I glanced back at Bella, the ground had considerably flattened and she walked slightly carelessly. My muscles were coiled ready for her to fall. I tried to reprimand the part of me that wished she would fall so I would have an excuse to catch her.

Streaks of golden glitter passed through the cracks in the canopy of trees. I dodged the patches without Bella noticing. I could see the entrance of the meadow just ahead. Sudden self consciousness settled over me, what would she think? Would she be horrified or just plain weirded out?

"Are we there yet?" she whined in mock reproach, breaking through my thoughts of reluctance.

"Nearly." I smiled, "Do you see the brightness ahead?"

She squinted, her eyebrows furrowed with concentration. "Um, should I?"

"Maybe it's a bit soon for _your_ eyes," I teased lightly.

"Time to visit the optometrist," she muttered low, causing my smile to grow.

She picked up her pace. Her arm slightly brushed mine as she passed me. After a few minutes I heard the increase of her breath and the stutter of her heartbeats as she ran ahead casting her silhouette in the entrance of my meadow.

She peered though the glitter of the sun walking hesitantly farther away into the sphere of light. Her hair caught fire, red streaking through it and lighting her cheeks in a glow of shine. She turned back, her eyes shone in buttery light brown, wonder taking place.

Her smile faded and she spun, shielding her eyes from the light to find me, still hanging in the darkness. She smiled reassuringly and beckoned to me with an outstretched hand, she moved towards me.

I halted her with a raised hand. I had to do this without her help. I needed to do this on my own.

I looked back at her mystified eyes and knew she was everything I could ever want. Carlisle was right, I needed to be honest with her and she needed to know everything about me before she made her decision to actually _be_ with me.

But rejection hung in the air. I knew she would be afraid, she would see the most alien productivity illuminating from my very skin. I couldn't hide in the darkness anymore.

I tried not to let the hope that swallowed my reluctance cling too closely to my heart. I braced myself for her gasp of horror and closed my eyes as I stepped into the light.

* * *

_So you can thank insomnia for this chapter. I've been majorly busy, I'll try to update as quick as I can. But first you'll have to beat 100 reviews. _


	9. The Beginning of Confessions

_Hey guys (hangs head shamefully,) I know it's been a while since I've last updated, and I know the majority of you probably hate me now… but I actually have a good excuse… My computer crashed…! Which means all my progress was lost and my lovely computer is now dead. I'm currently typing on this new weird updated version of vista that I can't seem to get the hang of! But enough of my problems, I know you're all much more interested in our favorite vamps troubles…_

_Listen to:_ Breathe Me _by_ Sia

**Chapter 21**

**The Beginning of Confessions **

I tried not to let the hope that swallowed my reluctance cling too closely to my heart. I braced myself for her gasp of horror and closed my eyes as I stepped into the light.

The sun burned the back of my eyelids, orange careening across the black backdrop that my closed eyes curtained.

I dare not open my eyes. I dare not breathe. I dare not wish…

Silence stretched before us, agitation and impossible curiosity caused the lead of my eyelids to lessen. I slowly peeked past the vulnerability of my eyelids and met Bella's.

Reflected in the glass of her dark eyes swirled a dosage of unnatural light. It overwhelmed her expression, swirling sparkles and aberrant crystals mirrored back at me.

I dropped her eyes twisting my body away from her, trying to ignore the radiance of glitter that my movement through across the valley.

Bella's breath caught, I looked up. Apprehensive that my sudden movement frightened her, curious to see her expression and hesitant to have my deductions reflected back through her horrified eyes.

"Edward," the breeze couldn't compare to the silence of her whisper. Gently, hesitantly, she reached out. Every nerve ending in my body tightened, waiting in torturous expectation for the promise of her touch.

Before the heat of her fingertips could warm the cold of my skin, a warm gust of wind ruffled her hair and swept her scent through every single cell of my body. I stopped my breathing and stepped back, away from her reach and away from the red that filled her cheeks, heightening her pulse that now pounded throughout the valley.

Her cheeks danced with tiny crystals that mirrored the light created from my skin, dazzling the darkness in her eyes. I watched in astonishment as a tiny smile pulled at her lips and then followed the dusting of glitter that fell on her skin to lift her cheeks.

Warmth burned down, I couldn't tell if it were from the sun or the heat radiating from the girl two feet away from me.

Just as hesitantly I watched in wonder as Bella awkwardly closed a foot of that space. Her face flamed in a bout of burning blood, as she timidly reached out to touch my fingertips with hers.

Her touch spread fire like bleeding ink up the contours of my arm. Without thinking I grasped her hand as tenderly as if I were stroking a bubble and gently steered her towards the center of the valley. She followed, her face calm, but the pulse in her throat jumped accordingly, as it should in the presence of a monster.

I stopped in the center, where the sun shone the brightest to magnify each unnatural sparkle that shone through the membrane of my skin. Compared to diamond shavings resting just underneath the surface, mirroring the light to reflect the truth of my being, paralleling the power I behold and the abstraction and abnormality of my kind.

Her eyes grew, her pupils dilating in switches to get used to the overwhelming light. She ducked her head blocking the window of her mind from me and leaving me clueless in nameless mystery. I so wanted to cup her cheek to force her eyes to meet mine. I wanted to keep those eyes and feel the physical heat that poured from her in tortuous ecstasy. I wanted to brush my lips against hers, and feel hers moving with mine. I wanted _her_, not for her blood but for everything that she _is._

She looked up, as if she could feel my silent plea. Her dark eyes glinted and her fingertips tightened in my hold, her shy smile told me that she wasn't scared.

I tried to breathe, tried to grasp this concept that I could actually be with her, have everything that I could ever want on the tips of my fingers. No. There is still so much danger, she has to know that.

Shamed, from my own selfishness heightening my disparity, I lowered to the ground, careful to release her minimal grip as I did. I leaned back, closing my eyes and allowed the sun to touch me.

Bella was quick to follow, her heartbeat slowed and the grass swayed under her weight as she, too, lowered herself to the ground. Her proximity combined with the sun left my skin tingling in warmth.

I could feel her eyes on me, as if her gaze traced a burning trail through my skin. From my face to the ends of my fingertips, to my chest and down to my hips, up again, to follow the glint and sparkle of light that illuminated from me.

Her breath at first quickened as did her heart, but as the sun grew hotter her heart grew solemn and her breathing relaxed. She fidgeted, twisting her body, causing the earth to move just the tiniest vibration underneath me. At first I thought she was agitated or scared, but I had to remind myself that she was human and humans were known for moving occasionally. I could imagine myself under her gaze, a cold motionless statue, as inhuman as I looked.

I didn't know how much time had passed, but I knew the day would soon end, as would our time together.

The breeze rustled the trees and Bella's heartbeat reverberated like a rhythm to a song. I didn't know I was singing until she asked, her soft low voice cutting through the air like a faint glow in velvet darkness.

"What did you say?" She asked her tone concerned.

I opened my eyes, greeting her enamored gaze. "I'm singing, —I can stop if it's bothering you?"

"No!" she blushed, "I mean, No, its not bothering me at all."

I smiled, closing my eyes to continue mouthing the notes of her lullaby.

Smaller and more hesitant than a mouse approaching a cat, she gently touched the back of my hand. Prickles flew up my arm and touched every cell in my body. Heat penetrated hotter than the sun, lighting my senses on edge of human and animal instinct.

My eyes flew open; I had to contain every reflex battling inside me. Her warmth managed to slither hotter and more persistent up my arm. Her eyes were transfixed, fascination brimming on the surface of her dark eyes. Her hesitance was a mystery to me; she didn't seem scared but more afraid of how her touch would be received. As if she were self-conscious I would reject her?! It was absurd and I banished the thought as soon as it surfaced, but her eyes flickered self-consciously up to mine, every emotion I could interpret, read, human insecurity.

I tried to derive where her bravery ended and insanity took place. It seemed she wasn't afraid at all. As inhuman as I was, she still voluntarily sat beside me, touching me, fascination replacing anxiety and natural human reaction replaced with…

"I don't scare you?" I asked, trying to interpret what she could possibly be feeling, what she could possibly expect.

"No more than usual." She answered, a smile lighting her eyes.

I tried not to let her confirmation bury its way inside me and replenish the hope that was brinking on the surface of my heart.

She slowly traced my fingers, branching out to my wrist. I swallowed, trying not to build fantasy at her innocent chaste touch.

Her touch remained gentle but her contact built fire through my system, burning brighter and hotter as her shy fingertips softly trailed further up my arm. I tried not to feel the pulse her thumb thumped through in tempting intervals or the promise of the heat that her blood would deliver to me. Instead I focused on breathing; allowing the heat of her touch to build, feeling wonder slowly swallow my disclosure. I couldn't remember the last time a human had willing touched my sinister skin and now the only human I would ever want to touch me was more than willing.

Her touch slowly climbed higher, she wavered for a second, but continued emboldened by her buoyancy. I relaxed, sinking further in the ground and got lost in the heat of her willing touch.

"Do you mind?" she asked timidly.

"No, you can't imagine how that feels." I said blurred behind a realm of unconsciousness and contentment.

Her fingers unflinchingly traced the shape of my arm, tingeing sparks of unknown pleasure with each stimulating movement. They reached the top of my shoulder then flew back down to the crease in my elbow where she traced my veins up to my wrist. Her other hand touched the curve of my fingers, I could feel her intention and I turned my hand palm up to help her intent.

Her fingertips stilled noticeably on my forearm and a tiny shocked intake of breath sounded from her. I moved too swiftly for her human eyes and she missed the movement entirely.

"Sorry," I said softly, looking up to see her shocked eyes. "It's too easy to be myself with you." I had to remind myself over and over, had to control every instinct and every reflex, she is human I am a vampire. We were never meant to be.

Momentary sadness drifted over me, the emotion wasn't unfamiliar but gut-wrenching in the most disconcerting way…

She cupped my palm in both her hands. I marveled at her feeble grasp, I could feel her strength in each tendon and flex in the movement of her fingers. _So weak. _Her fingers felt like damps steam. Her touch so minimal but so phenomenal in its improbability. Her fascination was bewildering, her eyes narrowed pointedly, examining every line as if it were of the most vital importance. Her fingers stemmed upwards to mirror mine, her eyes widened and a small beginning of a smile touched her lips…

"Tell me what you're thinking," I whispered debauchery corrupting casualness. "It's still so strange for me, not knowing."

"You know, the rest of us feel that way all the time," she mocked with raised eyebrows her mask of fascination hidden.

"It's a hard life," I said matching her mocking tone. "But you didn't tell me." I reminded her pointedly.

"I _was_ wishing I could know what you were thinking…" she trailed unsurely.

Her eyes dropped, I could practically hear the screws and bolts twisting in her mind, editing and censoring her true thoughts. I clenched my teeth. "And?" I asked through my teeth impatiently.

"I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I wasn't afraid."

She _was _afraid. That same crippling sadness filled me again. If I weren't already lying down I know my knees would've buckled from the sudden guilt that wrenched my heart in half. I should have never subjected her to me, I should never have forced her to be with me, but a small sad part of me, too curious to reprimand reason, stole my voice. "I don't want you to be afraid." My voice gave the hurtful patheticness that was now feasting on all of the hope I had so belatedly clung too.

"Well, that's not exactly the fear I meant, though that's certainly something to think about."

Her voice was a quiver of unspoken deciphering. Double meaning hiding behind her eyelids, past her mind too something much deeper. What was she afraid of it if weren't me? Frustration and severe curiosity glided over every piece of wavering sense I had left. Her eyes were focused determinedly on my palm. Lost sense and irritation corrupted my control. I sat up, leaning on my elbow to stare up in those endless eyes of hers.

They widened intolerably, her scent so prominently close I barely noticed the venom that seethed in my mouth. Primal desire was brimming on the edge of my control I could feel her heat stinging my face from her puckered lips. Her chocolate eyes mesmerized me.

"What are you afraid of, then?" I whispered, willing her with my eyes to answer without thinking, digging past the swirling depth of her eyes to find the truth behind any answer she may offer me.

Her dark eyes hazed and lidded. The sight was distracting in more than the implication of vulnerability. Her breath quickened and her fingers still held around my palm, tightened instinctively, hot perspiration dewed them singeing fire though me. Her pulse reverberated faster and blood filled her cheeks. She opened her mouth and inhaled deeply. My mouth watered intolerably at the sight. Her eyes searched mine in one blinding moment of open susceptibility before her gaze dropped to my mouth. I realized detachedly that the grass swayed under her weight as her body leaned forward. Her eyes were nearly shut and her mouth opened in slow-motion, she breathed in deeply taking in my scent and breathing me in with the same longing I held for her.

Instincts so uncontrollable battled within me. Bella was going to kiss me. I could feel the human in me, mirroring her want, but something far more prominent rang in the air as she moved closer and closer.

Her throats pulse thudded loud around me, incasing my attention and drawing my eyes to her most vulnerable susceptibility. Blood pounded through her tantalizingly, filling her completely with so much life and fire and blood… Her scent heightened and I could feel the vivid monster of what I am slowly throttle every piece of human away from what I wanted. My throat burst in fire and there was nothing stopping me from what I truly deserved. Her blood…

* * *

_All my reviewers deserve a giant gold star, and a cyber hug :D Since I haven't updated in a while I feel it is my duty to update posthaste. Expect an update soon. Need I ask? Please review!_


	10. Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde

_This chapter hangs on a thread of incompleteness. Sorry! I know how that sucks, and usually I'd never allow such deficiency but I wanted to get this out today for I have work (today) and for the rest of this week (except on Friday of course, I already bought my tickets!) _

_P.S. I may have a few errors on this chapter in relations to the book, my friend who has finally decided to give twilight a chance (because it's being made into a movie --- poser!) is borrowing my copy… so try not to focus on some inaccuracies that I contended. _

_P.S.S.. Sorry about my long babbling message, I know you guys don't care about my life. Lol sorry for wasting another three seconds of yours by my explanation._

**Chapter 22**

**Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde**

Her throats pulse thudded loud around me, incasing my attention and drawing my eyes to her most vulnerable susceptibility. Blood pounded through her tantalizingly, filling her completely with so much life and fire and blood… Her scent heightened and I could feel the vivid monster of what I am slowly throttle every piece of human away from what I wanted. My throat burst in fire and there was nothing stopping me from what I truly deserved. Her blood…

The wind swept past us, clarity brandished my head in a moment of air untainted by Bella's scent. In that split second, like a flashbulb of Alice's vision, my head filled with an image of my intended desire. Bella — immobile, pallid and colder then my very skin... My heart tightened at the thought.

I knew what the weakest part of me wanted, the reward would be momentary and the consequence could be something I couldn't live with…

Her motion branched closer, her throat so tempting I couldn't hold my carnal instinct. I ripped myself away from her, my fingers burned with severe cold at the loss of her touch. In that split second I rushed from where she sat, so unbearably vulnerable in the middle of the meadow, to the edge of the trees bared in the shadows, hiding my anomalous light, banishing me in the dark where I belong.

Cold claimed me and I watched as Bella rapidly blinked, trying to discover where I had so ominously fled too. Her eyebrows knitted together and I watched as pain corrupted her expression. Rejection mixed with sadness, my heart broke at the sight. Bella deserves someone who wouldn't reject her, who wasn't trying to fight the most prominent need to kill her. I cringed and hung my head in shame.

"I'm…sorry…Edward," she said so softly. Her voice was corrupted with that same pain, hanging in the air of impossible rejection. Why is she sorry? What an impossibly frustrating creature, she was sorry for wanting me in the same way I wanted her?! My retreat was no one's fault but my own, as was our entire relationship! I had initiated everything and she felt the need to apologize?! She had nothing to be sorry for.

"Give me a moment," I called out gently to her, trying to mask the strain in my voice. I tried not to let her willingness replenish my hope but it already took hold of me and I had to fight the impossible joy that was bubbling up inside of me. I wanted her so much, — in every way — not once had I considerate the depth and the emotion that Bella had invested in _me_. The way she had looked at me, completely and utterly transfixed without a flicker of hesitation, even at my last attempt to show her how completely alien I am. _She_ wanted _me_. Not as strong as my love for her, but even if she held a fragment of what I felt for her, it would be more than enough… enough for what?! This could never be. _We_ can never be.

Why do I continue to lie to myself? I watched her for a second and tried to think of leaving… my heart wouldn't even allow me to begin to imagine the pain… I slowly took a step towards her... but there's so much risk! Proven just a fraction of a second ago, how can I handle the most dominate part of my being in the near presence of her scent? I wavered, as her utterly unbearable fragrance began to find me… I breathed it in, allowing it to take me…I took another step forward.

What about _her _lust, what about _mine_? The concept was so alien to me that I staggered and stopped completely. I tried to imagine kissing her, how could I be able to control myself when I would have to factor in all her human urges and all of mine as well. I looked up, her eyes found mine and urged me to keep coming. I didn't think as I slowly walked the last few steps forward, forgot about the consequences of my most formidable and life changing decision. I took a deep breath to control my overreacting emotions before I allowed myself to sit. My decision to be with Bella in every way was the most selfish choice I could ever make, but that factor barely caused a slice of guilt to conquer me, not while still trapped in her enamored gaze.

"I am so very sorry." I said as her gaze prodded mine expectantly. "Would you understand what I meant if I said I was only human?"

Simultaneously as she nodded her heart rate increased. Her eyes told me plainly the anxiousness she felt, her scent heightened intolerably and blood filed faster and faster across the skipping vein that showed her pulse most prominently in her neck. Venom filled my throat once again and my eyes contracted.

"I'm the world's best predator, aren't I?" I said sarcastically, making sure her eyes never left mine. "Everything about me invites you in — my voice, my face, even my _smell_. As if I need any of that!" She needed to know, if she truly wanted to be with me, if I dare allow myself in her presence again she needed to know every single risk that I knew. Her naivety was no longer redeeming but dangerous in every aspect. If she wanted me, I would stay, as long as she wanted me. But she still doesn't truly know me, she doesn't know every risk. I intend to show her everything she has already chosen.

To demonstrate my words, I got up and ran around the meadow. I wasn't even at my fastest and she still whipped her head around, unsuccessfully trying to follow me with her piteous eyes.

I stopped under the same fir tree I had retreated to before. Her eyes found me, her pulse increased as if taunting me. "As if you could out run me," I laughed bitterly. Her eyebrows pulled together. I hated myself.

Above me I took hold of a low hanging branch and languidly snapped it off. I balanced the branch in my hand for a fraction of a second then effortlessly tossed it toward another tree where it shattered into a thousand pieces and left a sizable dent.

Her shocked eyes widened and in a beat of one of her heartbeats, faster than a blink of her eyes, I appeared in front of her. Her fragrance whooshed in my face as she exhaled in shock. Yet she didn't flinch as I intended. We were nearly two feet away from one another, her heat saturated me with our proximately. My mind painted images of how that warmth would feel if those two feet no longer existed. "As if you could fight me off," I said sadly.

Her fear flickered across her face, as if she were eyeing an exit with useless hope for an escape. Her gaze burrowed into mine as if pleading with me. I hated the sight, hated the fear I injected into her.

I wanted her to know the danger she so readily placed on herself, but it pained me now. I was only showing her the truth of all my ability — how easily I had scared her! Adrenaline pounded hard through her veins and her blush disappeared as if hiding from me, replaced with a face pale in stark white. Her eyes were comically juxtaposed from their previous lidded lust; I would've laughed if I could open my mouth without releasing the cry in my throat. Her ignorance was finally surrendered and she could truly show her fear for me now, there was nothing holding her back…

Except I wasn't willing to give up. I tried to reprimand myself but I needed to present both sides. I clung so hard to that tiny hope that I was afraid it would turn to indecipherable dust in my grip. The side of my blood thirsty lust for her blood and the uncompromising side for _her._ She would hold the final choice. The fear that now seethed throughout her may not be overcome by any confession of my undying love, but in all the most improbable impossibility, maybe my love for her would be strong enough to rein in the monster that was painting that fear in her eyes.

"Don't be afraid," I murmured softly, hoping beyond hope that my biased could triumph over her fear. "I promise… I _swear_ not to hurt you." I vowed, hoping she would see the complete sincerity in my eyes, hoping to melt the fear in hers…

Her eyes glazed over, her fear hesitated.

"Don't be afraid," I repeated, willing her to see past my skin, past the cold stone of what I am and see the human barred inside. I love her too much not too fight for, but I love her too much to not allow her to use all her senses to make the right choice…

Slowly — so not to scare her again, I closed the short space between us and lowered gently to the ground. Our faces were not as intimately close as before, but close enough that the flecks of darkness in her eyes dazzled mine. "Please forgive me," I begged meekly. "I _can_ control myself. You caught me off guard. But I'm on my best behavior now."

She stared back at me as if she were deciphering whether or not to believe me.

"I'm not thirsty today, honestly." I said nonchalantly, and with one last attempt to try and lighten the thickness of the mood, I winked at her.

She laughed hesitantly, but her smile was real with genuineness.

"Are you alright?" I asked guiltily, reaching out and carefully placing the cold of my hand back into hers. I hadn't realized how icy my body temperature dropped until Bella's heat slithered up my arm and lighted my soul in fire. I was nearly shivering with such conducted heat and pleasure.

Her eyes, still unsure, retreated to my hand in hers. It seemed like hours had passed before she gently met my palm with her finger and continued to trace the trail of lines in my fingertips. Her touch licked alarming heat up through my arm with each delicate pressure point.

Her eyes shyly lifted to my face, her gaze prodded mine before a smile flitted to touch the edges of her flawless lips. My stomach tightened and it was all I could do to hold the pleasure in my throat and maneuver my feelings through my returning smile. Her smile widened in response to mine. How I wished I had kissed her when I had the chance!

"So where were we," I ventured surreptitiously, "before I behaved so rudely?"

She cocked her head slightly to the side, my head buzzed. "I honestly can't remember." She mused, perplexity melting into casualness.

I smiled sadly, mad that I had cut off what she was going to say. Her eyes proved so much thought and intensity before; I wouldn't have brought up the subject if my curiosity wasn't brinking on the contours of insanity. "I think we were talking about why you were afraid, besides the obvious reason."

"Oh, right." Did I imagine the waver of embarrassments in her voice?

I waited. Her eyes dropped back down to my palm in hers. Was she trying to kill me? "Well?" I said impatiently.

Her fingertips began to draw small loops in random patterns against the flesh of my palm. Before maybe I was overreacting about her intent to kill me, but now, I truly do think it is what she will accomplish. I nearly snapped on the edge of my impossible inquisitiveness.

Before she said she was afraid, but not of me, what could frighten her more then what I am in the context of our relationship? The possibilities were oddities and ridiculous in any sort of explanation I tried to imagine.

Years had passed, centuries crumbled and time stood still, the world mocked me as each tick of a second went by in the tedium of unhurried slow-motion. If she thought I would let the subject drop, she was sadly mistaken… It was too much torture to handle. What I wouldn't do to hear her thoughts! "How easily frustrated I am," I sighed through clenched teeth.

Her eyes flashed to mine and in a short obstruction of impossible mercy of fate, I could read her emotions playing in the depth of her eyes. Insecurity melted into understanding. Her face almost hardened with determination

"I was afraid…" her voice finally careened through the thickness of the air. "Because, for, well, obvious reasons, I can't _stay_ with you." I tried not to let the sadness in her voice cling too closely to my heart, she was right, she _can't_ stay with me. "And I'm afraid that I'd like to stay with you, much more than I should." She continued without meeting my eyes.

My heart flew up in my throat; I could hardly control my breathing as it hitched past deceptive pretenses. How much I loved her.

She hid from me. Hid behind her curtain of dark scented hair. Behind her fringe of dark eyelashes lowered to stare at her lap. Her hiding exceeded highly above the physical but emotionally as well. She hid behind every thought, everything that blurs in her eyes and switches too fast to read, she hides behind her censoring and editing and everything worth knowing.

Her confession hung in the air like an offering of a warm hand. How I wish I could sweep her off her feet and declare my love as well! Her wide eyes peeked at me through her mask of dangling hair. I caught my reflexes just as I was about to reach out and sweep that wall back behind her ear. Sadness glittered in her eyes.

The sorrow in her words started to break through my joy. She is right, how wrong it is for her to be with me. "Yes," I sighed desolately. "That is something to be afraid of, indeed. Wanting to be with me. That's really not in your best interest." Her eyes dropped and a small frown etched her lips in melancholy.

"I should have left long ago," I confessed miserably knowing that this confession was still possible, she could allow this debauchery to continue, she held the power I could still leave, if it's what she chose… "I should leave now. But I don't know if I can."

"I don't want you to leave." She mumbled in a small voice. My heart swelled. How I never wanted to leave her!

Her eyes crumbled down to her lap where she fiddled with a stray piece of her hair. I watched it catch rays of light that sparked the hidden red in her hair. Her face never held so much sadness. This reflected my pain, if I ever were to leave, how much worse would her face look?

"Which is exactly why I should." I said intently, the mere mention of my inevitable fate closed a dark cloud around her and the inescapability was only mentioned. I watched in horror as her face crumbled and pain threatened her expression. "But don't worry." I said quickly, trying to erase the lines corrupting her brow. "I'm essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to do what I should."

She looked up her hand tightening unintentionally in mine. "I'm glad." She said without a smile to prove her words.

"Don't be!" I hissed my voice sparked a start of surprise to tighten the muscles around her eyes, proving again her ignorance of my true Mr. Hyde. I immediately regretted my natural reaction but reminded myself that she needed to know the truth and I was scathingly avoiding it, even now as it pulsed through the air produced from the vein in her throat.

Heat drenched her face inevitably with her dazzling blush. Slowly I withdrew my hand from her minimal grip. I needed to tell her, the one thing I had to remind myself every time she entered my vicinity, the air she breathed that saturated the air that would run its way through the dryness of my dead lungs twingeing and sparking temptation where all of her scent touched. She surrendered it quickly. Cold overpowered me from such a removal of her constant heat.

"It's not only your company I crave! Never forget _that_. Never forget I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else." My secret shattered, the last one I had left. I waited, hiding from her gaze as I allowed her time to digest this last piece of unforeseeable danger

Her small voice crackled through the stillness of the air. "I don't think I understand exactly what you mean—by that last part anyway,"

I looked at her, dazzled by her face, by the open puzzlement shining through her patient eyes, a small smile just hinting on the sparseness of her exquisite lips. I smiled in spite of myself.

How did I explain that deplorable side of me, that she would be by far the most delicious thing I could ever begin to imagine…maybe I shouldn't start with that as an ice-breaker…

* * *

_I really didn't want to stop there but I seriously have to be at work in like 10 minutes, (and I don't drive, and live in Canada, so inevitably there's snow) lol so wish me luck._

_Also as all of you know (or you're definitely on the wrong page) Twilight (the movie) is out this Friday! Are you excited??? Cause I'm beyond excited!!! (I don't think I can express it with words, ---which is a first!) So I wish you all a happy Friday and hopefully all of us won't be disappointed._

_Oh yeah, was this chapter any good? Let me know please. _


	11. Obsession

_Some of you asked to know my opinion on the Twilight Movie. Hmmm how to phrase this… Well I think that Catherine Hardwicke did a phenomenal job, the camera angles and style were really interesting and reminiscent of indie movies and Sundance winners, not your typical Hollywood Blockbuster movies (which I hate). And judging from the low budget I think the graphics were relatively believable. And of course I loved the cameo of Mrs. Stephenie Meyer! We all know the movie doesn't even compare to the book, and of course (as a hard-core twilighter) I was a little disappointed with the plot and some of my favorite scenes being chopped off. But all in all I think they kept relatively true to Stephenie Meyer's original vision of twilight._

_Some negatives, the meadow scene was entirely disappointing, and even though Robert Pattinson is a fox, both Kristen Stewart and him should invest in some serious acting lessons. Other than that I enjoyed the movie._

_Sorry Guys, did I ever mention that I love film studies and intend to minor in it? Lol I refrained a lot btw. _

**Chapter 23**

**Obsession **

Her small voice crackled through the stillness of the air. "I don't think I understand exactly what you mean—by that last part anyway,"

I looked at her, dazzled by her face, by the open puzzlement shining through her patient eyes, a small smile just hinting on the sparseness of her exquisite lips. I smiled in spite of myself.

How did I explain that deplorable side of me, that she would be by far the most delicious thing I could ever begin to imagine…maybe I shouldn't start with that as an ice-breaker…

"How do I explain?" I said quietly to myself, I looked up seeing that same open perplexity in her eyes. "And without frightening you again…hmmmm."

I couldn't think of any comparison, no human could begin to comprehend the severe instincts of our kind. The slithering burning fire, the thick texture of venom that would saturate our mouths and leave only our instincts to cure the thirst. Far more dominate and dangerous then the craving for a cigarette or the rage and actions a human would feel in a moment of blind hate.

There was no human substance equivalent to our most powerful and merciless hunger. And there were still so many factors to include in the context of Bella and me. Her blood which some sick ruthless hand of fate made more intoxicating and ceaselessly more desirable to me than any other blood I'd have ever encountered in all of my elongated existence. How it claimed me when her breath would touch my face, wrapping me up in enticing warmth and promising me the release of how she would taste...

How do I tell her that, when she is already on the edge of terror? How could a human relate or even comprehend the desire of our most prominent need?

Her warmth enfolded me as if a blanket to gather and channel all the heat inside of me. I looked down to see that my hand was back in her grip, but I couldn't remember the conscious act of reaching out and giving it back to her. She clung to me and spread her fingers throughout mine. Impossibly, the heat flared warmer throughout me.

"That's amazingly pleasant," I sighed, "the warmth."

Her eyes smiled up at me, but curiosity still hung in the depth of her eyes.

"You know how everyone enjoys different flavors?" I said cautiously. "Some people love chocolate ice cream, others prefer strawberry?"

She nodded, I bit my lip. Was I really comparing her to food?

"Sorry about the food analogy," I said flinching internally. How was I to keep from scaring her while directly comparing her to something that _I _would like to _devour_? "I couldn't think of another way to explain."

She smiled in reply, but her smile was hesitant, calculating. I smiled ruefully back.

Ice cream wasn't an appropriate example. Bella — or any other human for that matter could resist all too easily.

"You see, every person smells different, has a different essence." I breathed in unconsciously, "If you locked an alcoholic in a room full of stale beer, he'd gladly drink it. But he could resist, if he wished to, if he were a recovering alcoholic. Now let's say you placed in that room a glass of hundred year old brandy, the rarest, finest cognac—and filled the room with its warm aroma—how do you think he would fare then?"

I beseeched her to understand with my eyes. The perplexity in hers melted into blankness.

Bella obviously could resist ice cream and I could make a fair guess that she wasn't a recovering alcoholic. Her experience was too limited; I couldn't pinpoint a part in her life where she couldn't resist the entity. She could only begin to understand my addiction to her, could only trace the undeniable craving she flamed within me. Her experience of life around her could only initiate a fraction of understanding or empathy for my unending want.

My metaphor didn't begin to scratch the surface of my innate manifestation of carnal obsession. "Maybe that's not the right comparison. Maybe it would be too easy to turn down the brandy. Perhaps I should have made our alcoholic a heroin addict instead."

Her eyes sparkled with understanding, darkness glittered in her eyes. "So, what you're saying is," she hesitated, dragging in a long breath of perfumed air, "I'm your brand of heroin?"

She smiled, her words unsure but her tone implying it as a joke. I cringed, "Yes, you are _exactly_ my brand of heroin."

Her eyes widen unconsciously, she tried to hide the fear and uncertainty behind her expression. "Does that happen often?"

I wonder how much fear affected infatuation. If Bella did unfathomably care for me, would her fear outshine it? What about my fear? The fear of so much consequential danger I would undeniably be imposing on her if I were to allow whatever it is we are doing to continue. But maybe fear worked both ways; maybe the fear of losing her was more prominent than keeping her safe. My justification for staying with her to protect her was only that, a justification.

"I spoke to my brothers about it. To Jasper, every one of you is much the same. He's the most recent to join our family. It's a struggle for him to abstain at all. He hasn't had time to grow sensitive to the differences in smell, in flavor." I looked up, cringing at my words, trying to put myself in her shoes. I know if I were her, I would be disgusted.

"Sorry," I said desolately.

I caught my reflection in the glass of her eyes. I didn't recognize myself — I looked almost… human.

She smiled genuinely. "I don't mind." Her hand tightened in mine. "Please don't worry about offending me, or frightening me, or whichever. That's the way you think. I can understand, or I can try to at least. Just explain however you can."

Her lack of fear was disconcerting; I inhaled deeply closing my eyes to rid the image of her open acceptance. I truly didn't deserve her.

The warmth of her fingertips enveloped me and I found myself speaking without really thinking first. "So Jasper wasn't sure if he'd ever come across someone who was as…" My eyes flashed to hers, I didn't want to frighten her, _tempting _or _delicious _were the wrong adjectives to use…"_appealing," _I watched her eyes cautiously, "as you are to me. Which makes me think not. Emmett has been on the wagon longer, so to speak, and he understood what I meant. He says twice, for him, once stronger than the other."

"And for you?" She whispered.

"Never."

I watched her face as my words sunk in, her eyes tried to hide the fear that made her heart thump louder and louder.

"What did Emmett do?" she asked hesitantly.

I dropped her eyes. The memory was a vivid one that Emmet relieved often. He allowed the scent to take him, following his instincts before allowing his mind to catch up with what he knew was right. The taste was indescribable and even at his memory, one that wasn't even mine! I found that the monster in me coiled in jealous want.

"I guess I know," said barely audibly, her voice broke through the memory a thousand times more prominent and irresistible then the memory itself. Her eyes were sad and desolate staring down at our intertwined fingers.

The sadness in her eyes was agonizing. I didn't want her to think badly of Emmett, he was one of the few people in this world I could actually talk to. I looked up into those unbearably wide dark eyes of hers and tried to make her understand. "Even the strongest of us fall off the wagon, don't we?"

Her jaw dropped and fire glinted metallic in her eyes. "What are you asking? My permission?" I was momentary speechless. Her voice harsh and offset from her usual shy softness. It was unnerving. "I mean, is there no hope, then?" this time her voice lowered and sadness dripped off of each syllable.

"No, no!" I said rapidly realizing what my prior words implied. "Of course there's hope! I mean, of course I won't…" I stopped, I would never kill her, I would never taste her blood. I couldn't finish the sentence. Doesn't she realize that I love her!? That I could never live without her? She has to know that! "It's different for us. Emmett…these were strangers he happened across. It was a long time ago, and he wasn't as…practiced, as careful, as he is now." I grasped her fragile fingers as gently as possible, never wanting to let go. My eyes begging her to believe me.

Her heart sped, but the sadness in her eyes faltered. "So if we'd met…oh, in a dark alley or something…" she trailed.

I held her eyes, knowing I had to tell her everything. If she wanted to be with me she needed to know everything. I swallowed, "It took everything I had not to jump up in the middle of that class full of children and—" Again, I couldn't finish the sentence. Trying not to remember the first spark that her scent sprung from me, the monster it flared within me. The atrocities I had spun fantasy out of. "When you walked past me, I could have ruined everything Carlisle has built for us, right then and there. If I hadn't been denying my thirst for the last, well, too many years, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself." I hesitated, "You must have thought I was possessed." Her confused eyes and fidgety disposition conveyed her emotions clearly that first day we encountered.

She bit her lip. "I couldn't understand why. How you could hate me so quickly…"

"To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned straight from my own personal hell to ruin me. The fragrance coming off your skin… I thought it would make me deranged that first day." Her eyes didn't hold the fear I expected. I drew strength from that. "In that one hour, I thought of a hundred different ways to lure you from the room with me, to get you alone." I faltered scared of the impact of my words. Her eyes remained eerily clear. "And I fought them each back, thinking of my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out, to get away before I could speak the words that would make you follow…" I trailed, dropping her eyes.

"You would have come," I said bitterly.

"Without a doubt," she established.

I could have killed her so easily. She would be dead now and I would never have realized that I had killed my soul mate, the only person I could ever be with… I thank God everyday that I had enough strength to defy that side of me, that I never spoke the words to have made her follow me to her inevitable death.

* * *

_I'm glad you like the last chapter guys… and guess what!?? Today is my birthday!!! Which means I am now 18 and I'm officially, (in Canada) LEGAL yay!_

_So as a birthday present to me I know you guys will leave me a bright and shining review! :D _

_P.S. the next chapter is almost done :)_


	12. The Lion and The Lamb

_I'm shocked at the last installments response, the fan base for this story is overwhelming (I'm actually feeling guilty for not updating sooner.) The anonymous reviewers, are just completely awesome, it sucks that I can't respond personally to all of you. I want you all to know that every single one of your reviews really brightens my day and seriously makes me feel like I'm writing for a cause..._

_At the beginning of this story I was seriously only thinking I would continue with this story up until the meadow scene… but I've decided (with the influence from all of you) that if this story continues to go this well with such a positive response that it would be completely rude and plain mean to not continue. _

_You'll all (without a doubt) notice that I've skipped a few parts with the transfer from chapter 23 to 24, don't be too hard on me, the parts I skipped weren't really necessary. If I did add them in it would be just straight copying from the book (and I'm a very slow typer) if you feel cheated please feel free to pick up your copy of twilight and read the parts I cut. _

**Chapter 24**

**The Lion and The Lamb**

Her eyes were a mirror of unfathomable understanding. With each word I spoke I felt our connection joined at our attached intertwined fingers deepen and strengthen in depthless infinity.

My confession from the first moment I saw her, to my pathetic attempt to rearrange my schedule in a pitiable effort of avoidance seemed less pathetic and more menacing when telling it to her unwaveringly accepting eyes. Her innocence seemed to solidify when she was more openly upset that I had fled to Alaska than to my profession of my open longing to taste her blood. It was more than unnerving, but reestablished the need she had for me, how her luck seemed to pull the worst possible circumstances to her doorstep.

This reminded me of her first need of me, her second jut of bad luck that fell upon her when she entered Forks. The scene still played out in front of me like an unnerving nightmare unexpectantly creeping up on me, horrifying in the possibility of what _could_ have happened. Tyler's van screeching around the corner. How the most important person in my life could have been stolen in front of my very eyes in a split second of one of her delicate heartbeats. I confessed to her, how, at that moment all I could think was, "not her.'"

Her small voice interrupted my reverie. "In the hospital?"

I tried to explain how angry I was to have given her such a hold over me, "As if I needed another motive to kill you!" We both flinched as I said this, but she needed to know. "But it had the opposite effect." I said quickly, searching her hesitant eyes. How angry my family was, how they had all sought her head at the ease of being safe. I left out that disconcerting detail, feeling the first touch of fear start Bella's heart with the mere mention of my family.

I continued, "All that next day I eavesdropped on the minds of everyone you spoke to, shocked that you kept your word. I didn't understand you at all." I looked up, catching her eyes. "But I knew that I couldn't become more involved with you." I dropped my head. "I did my very best to stay as far from you as possible. And every day the perfume of your skin, your breath, your hair…" I swallowed hard. "It hit me as hard as the very first day."

I looked up, realizing now as I found her dark depthless eyes how much I had missed her. How completely pointless my life was before her, how I hadn't even met her yet, but was subconsciously waiting for her. Her dark eyes were soft, open, valiant, waiting for me to continue. Sadness filled me as I knew how brief our connection would last. The tick of a clock always over her head, her heart beat pronouncing loud and clear the time limit on her life…

She exhaled, her startling breath touching my skin… Right now she was alone with me and her heart seemed to be beating faster and faster, pulsing louder and harder, blood filling her face, her soul, her heart… From her own lips she would grant me her heart freely…

"And for all that," I whispered, "I'd have fared better if I _had_ exposed us all at that first moment, than if now, here—with no witnesses and nothing to stop me—I were to hurt you."

Her eyebrows furrowed and she leaned forward unconsciously. "Why?"

I paused, hadn't I confessed my love to its highest already? "Isabella." Her eyes flashed with worry, I smiled, reaching out to ruffle her hair with my free hand, her hair danced in the wind sending her fragrance swirling around us."Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me," I swallowed, trying to banish Alice's vision from my mind, but as if an impossible dream I still rendered myself the tiniest taste of a fantasy. "The thought of you, still, white, cold…to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses…it would be unendurable." She needed to know, before she would inevitably leave, she had to have my promise. "You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever."

She dropped my eyes. Agony at its most prompt degree. Rejection was an emotion I thought I understood as well. But this sodden pain tearing at my insides… worst than fire, worst than dire thirst, was one I could say I've never felt. My dead heart seemed as if it tore in two. She looked down at her hands, seemingly deliberating how to let me down easy. Time ceaselessly went on although I knew the world was over. It seemed surreal that she was still sitting in front of me, her heart still beating, her eyes still deliberating and her fingers still warm in my cold embrace.

Extended to its last excruciating unbearable point she speaks. "You already know how I feel, of course." Actually I didn't, I couldn't read her mind or even guess what she could possibly be thinking. I felt compelled to tell her this but I stopped myself, just before she opened her mouth to speak once again. I willed her to look at me, but instead she dropped her eyes farther down to our entangled fingertips.

"I'm here," she whispered, "which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you." My body stilled as I tried to absorb the hit of her confession. I tried to resent her words, how could she rather die than be without me? It was a horrible thing to say but I couldn't sum up the pain it should have caused me. There was no room in my heart for pain, my heart was full of so much happiness and love there was no room to be spared. How much I loved her! "I'm an idiot," she finished in a small voice.

"You_ are_ an idiot," I agreed trying to hold back my laughter. Finally, she looked up, her eyes smoldering in happiness and refrained passion. When our eyes met we both burst out into laughter. Her laughter was the most perfect sound in the world; she was the most perfect thing in my entire existence.

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…" I said softly, holding her eyes. I couldn't tangibly explain this feeling, much more powerful than anything I've ever experienced, deeper and more prominent than any other emotion or memory I could ever cling too. I love her and it is the only admittance I could unequivocally make.

She looked away as a dosage of red touched her cheeks prickling her arms with tiny goose bumps and restarting her stilled heart. "What a stupid lamb," she sighed.

"What a sick, masochistic lion." I finished.

* * *

_Life is such a hard thing to avoid... but I do have one (surprising right?) My Diploma's are coming up... so I'm gonna try to take advantage of the break coming up and write a lot, but please be patient, trust me I haven't abandoned you (as a lot of you tend to conclude when I don't update immediately after your done reading) but just know I'm trying uber hard to catch up with my life and Edward's and Bella's please be patient._

_REVIEWS PLEASE!!_


	13. Love and Lust

_**MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!**_

_Hey guys! I present my Christmas present to you,__ (A new chapter) and it's longer than usual (I know how mad you guys get for my 'short chapters') so be proud!_

_As some of you know the twilight awards have started, and guess what!? They have a midnight sun round! Coincidence? You just happen to be reading a midnight sun continuation! And because you guys are the most amazing fans in the world I know each and every single one of you will be voting on your favorite story (insert the 'Thirst for midnight sun' here) thanks to _**kellinw**_ for nominating me :)_

**Chapter 25**

**Love and Lust**

She looked away as a dosage of red touched her cheeks prickling her arms with tiny goose bumps and restarting her stilled heart. "What a stupid lamb," she sighed.

"What a sick, masochistic lion." I finished.

Her eyes flickered, a spark of her blush brightening her cheeks. A gust of wind touched her face, sweeping her curtain of hair back behind her shoulders. I looked away following a line of dust particles that danced in the streaks of thinning sunlight.

I never wanted anything more than her. The world was an open palm outstretched towards me, always mine for the taking. Nothing I wanted could be denied, _no one _around me could refuse my insistent lure. Never had I thought I could find anything to fill this hole inside of me… And what was worse than me wanting her was her wanting me.

"Why…?" she asked, pulling me out of my reverie. I looked up just in time to see the glorious red of her blush brighten her cheeks.

"Yes?" I smiled in spite of myself, all thoughts of melancholy sweeping away from me as fast as the flush in her cheeks.

Her eyes hardened, determination swallowing her expression. "Tell me why you ran from me before."

"You know why." I said softly trying to avoid the pain that started to sneak up my throat at the memory.

She swallowed. "No, I mean, _exactly_ what did I do wrong? I'll have to be on my guard, you see, so I better start learning what I shouldn't do." Her words ran together. "This, for example---" time stood still as she gently swept her fingers across my knuckles, "seems to be all right."

Her touch defined in any normal social circumstance would be construed as innocent and chaste but her fingertips burned like red steel creeping through me and awakening every human desire I tried to ignore. Her innocence was reinforced with her ignorance; she had no idea what her touch, her smell, her eyes did to me. She held such unfathomable power over me that I was neither unable to deny or even want to resist.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. It was my fault." I said gently, holding her eyes.

"But I want to help, if I can, to not make this harder for you." Her eyebrows stretched across her eyes, worry shinning through her impervious determination.

"Well…" I knew there was nothing she could possibly do to dilute the fragrance of her skin, her hair, her breath… I knew the only way I'd ever become inconceivably accustomed to her scent were if I were in her presence. If she were near me I would grow desensitized, her scent would become familiar and my willpower would grow… hopefully.

"It was just how close you were," I offered as a tangent. The memory of her closeness and what the promise of her intention did to me could hardly be interpreted as fair. It would have been a miracle if I had surpassed the unpredictable action of a simple human kiss…

"Most humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our alienness." I tried not to look at her lips as I spoke. "I wasn't expecting you to come so close. And the smell of your _throat_." I hesitated and looked up into her chocolate eyes to see the revulsion I feared, instead her eyes were narrowed in contemplation.

"Okay, then," she said dismissively while ducking her head to tuck her chin and hide her neck. "No throat exposure." Her eyes sparkled as she tried not to smile.

I laughed and watched in fascination as she released her uncomfortable pose and joined in. "No, really, it was more the surprise than anything else."

Her dark eyes faltered and she tilted her head slightly to the side. Her eyes seeped through me; I could feel each cell in my face tighten as she swept over them.

The trees seemed to sway and breathe a gush of courage throughout me. With that warm breeze of air I felt my hand gently reach out to touch the length of Bella's neck. Her most vulnerable susceptibility. I could feel the pulse of her blood race along her throat with the edge of my thumb. The thrum of her life force slowly spread throughout me. I could feel the vitality of her blood, the length of her life literally at the tips of my fingers.

"You see," I whispered. "Perfectly fine." It was the biggest understatement I have ever muttered. Nothing was farther from fine. I could feel the hunger deep inside me aching for more. Not for her blood, my throat didn't dose with venom, the instinct of my kind was being dominated by the human alive within me. Instead the hunger I felt was for _her,_ my thirst for _her. _I don't think it would ever be quenched. I never wanted anything more. I tried not to picture how she would taste with her lips moving with me, how her fingers would feel at the nape of my neck, how she would willingly pull me closer in her warm embrace… how I wanted her.

The heat in her neck flared as her pulse heightened underneath my fingertips. Her eyes glazed over in longing and the only response I could muster was to match her desire. I fanned out my fingers over the delicate skin of her throat. A blush creeped over her neck and crawled upwards to brighten her cheeks.

"The blush on your cheeks is lovely," I whispered detachedly. My mouth ran away with my words before I had a chance at censoring them. Imminently her blush darkened, staining her cheeks an impression of what I imagined her blood would appear.

Gently I released her hand and as softly as if I were stroking glass I touched her cheek. I looked into her eyes and waited for a sign that she craved my touch as much as I craved hers. Her scent seemed to have heightened and I found myself holding my breath. Gently and involuntarily she sighed, tilting her head a fraction of an inch closer in the cup of my palm.

Something new surfaced just on the tips of my lips, the definition on the cusp of deciphering. She evoked so much unfamiliar emotions inside me I couldn't interpret this one fast enough. A million swarming pictures flew past my vision, minutely blinding me of coherence. Films, books, plays, memories---never mine, flickered like a debilitated grainy photograph over my eyelids.

My hand still on her throat skimmed up her neck to smother her other flaming cheek. Her face peered out from in-between my inhuman grasp. "Be very still," I whispered.

The eyes of Carlisle held in Esme's first glance. Alice's first vision of hope lightening the bleakness of her desolate future. Rosalie's sympathy for Emmett while locked in the eyes of his death, her lust for the blood dripping down his face was barely noted. Lust in the context of unfamiliar love could barely be coincided with the desire for blood.

I captured her gaze measuring her expression, deciphering her desire as I gently and vey hesitantly leaned forward. I granted myself the freedom of what I promised I would never allow myself to do. I gave into every unfamiliar instinct, teeming in desperate ecstasy, to be unguarded.

Her wide eyes granted me her permission. And before I could begin to allow myself to gain any sort of logical sense, I lowered my head to rest my cheek against her neck at the base of her throat.

My other senses fumed in tangible anger. The monster of what I am counted each stoke her pulse made, the heat that her blood flamed deep within me, the promise of what her blood would do to satisfy the fire that now made the venom in my mouth flame in raging want.

I closed my eyes and ignored that want, the instincts of my being, the demon of my kind, and instead allowed this incomprehensible connection building in-between us to continue. I lost myself in the lullaby of her heartbeat.

Her fragrance wrapped around us like a warm blanket, enfolding me in the promise of her embrace and stopping each demon thought that sifted through my mind.

I finally understood the mystery of what love is. The books, the plays, the films, the memories, the words, the hopes, the emotions I witnessed everyday somehow became so much more powerful in parallel with the love I felt for Bella. Somehow everything suddenly lined up in perspective with this new found revelation, the description of my former cynicism didn't seem that far-fetched.

Emmett's mindless doting on Rosalie didn't seem as insane as it once did. Jasper's change in lifestyle for Alice no longer seemed pointless. Carlisle's feelings of complete gratitude and appreciation to God for allowing him to live so he could meet Esme was now neither scorned but shared. Love defined as a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person, didn't seem adequate in the search for definable diction. No words could describe the feeling I felt for her. Love was inadequate.

The wind stopped and the sun hid behind a stray cloud, casting my skin back behind the ledge of hazy darkness.

I slowly and cautiously slithered my hands down the sides of her neck, her pulse increased as her breathing hitched. Her body quivered in momentary unawareness, her instincts trying to atone for her apparent lack of self-interest. I dropped my hands down to rest on her shoulders.

Never had her smell been so strong, I could practically taste her on the back of my tongue and every human instinct inside me begged for more. Gently and as impossibly slowly as I could move I allowed myself to touch the edge of her collarbone with my nose to breathe in the rush and high of her intoxicating scent.

A sigh sounded from me. Never had I felt so wholly complete. In all my life I could never compose or begin to imagine a moment as perfect as this. It was in this moment where every other second paled in comparison, every other moment unworthy over every experience in all of my existence… which I decided would only be for as long as Bella lived**.**

Her heart rate slowed, her breathing quieted, and she unconsciously sunk deeper into the ground, resting more weight against me. I took a deep breath and tried not to let too much pleasure cloud my judgment. Her relaxed pretense only subtly lifted my mood teeming happiness with unfeasible hope.

Hope was still too dangerous but this time the fear it usually brought was neither unwanted nor completely unexpected. She loved me, and I her. How much I loved her! And as impossible as a conclusion, this may possibly work! _We _may impossibly _be_. This intangibly unviable predicament might possibly end in an unattainable conclusion of happiness.

Taking in a slow breath while touching the heat of her skin with the tip of my nose, I gently released her. I looked up into her dark eyes finding her expression in a daze of woozy bemusement.

"It won't be so hard again," I said softly.

"Was that very hard for you?" she asked breathlessly.

"Not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. And you?" I asked a little hesitantly, trying to decipher the expression playing on her face.

"No, it wasn't bad…for me." Heat stained her cheeks.

I smiled at her inflection "You know what I mean."

A smile. Finally, a smile creeped up her face, claiming my attention and burying my doubt.

"Here." I smiled, taking her hand and resting it against my cheek. "Do you feel how warm it is?"

Her eyes hazed and her expression melted into an indecipherable mask of fake etiquette. Her fingers under my skin twitched. Her dark eyes connected to mine and I tried to reach deep and farther into those eyes and steal those secrets she kept hidden from me. Insecurity quickly claimed me, was I moving too quickly? Was this inappropriate? Rules of courting in this society never were a concern of mine. But I knew back in the early nineteen hundreds that this type of behavior between the opposite sex would be grounds for immediate marriage and possibly an emergency confessional. Before I could pull away and offer my abrupt apologies she spoke.

"Don't move," she murmured.

I looked into her eyes trying to decipher this request but I knew now that I'd never be able to deny her anything she was ever to ask. I closed my eyes and waited in polite expectancy.

Her presence drifted nearer and my senses burned in acute restraint as I felt her slice through the particles of the air, slowly moving closer towards me. I held my breath in expectation. Her fingertips moved over my face delicately and gently as if _I _were the one who was breakable. Her fingers traced along my eyelids down and around my cheekbones and over my nose. Her movement was torturously slow the anticipation for her next track was impossible to bear. I could feel her intention even before it probably entered her mind, her fingertips gently slid dangerously along my closed lips. I hadn't even realized I opened my mouth until it was too late; I exhaled the breath I was holding along the warmth of her hand.

She retreated as if testing my willpower against the infantile wreck of my human emotions. I wanted her so badly.

I opened my eyes; her scent lingered on the back of my tongue and the memory of her touch was too prominent to push away. I found her eyes; reflected in them was the same rapture and desire in mine.

Human majesties defined as pleasure, sensual in the context of love or lust were the most foreign human emotion I could ever contemplate. But I could feel that lust surface as naturally as jealousy, anger, or happiness. It was just as surprising but not as entirely unexpected. I had felt this with her before but never this strong or prominent. I had never wanted her as badly as right now, with her heated cheeks and inviting lips with her taste still notably stirring on my tongue, nothing--- not even her blood--- was more tempting.

"I wish," I said as softly as possible, "I wish you could feel the…complexity…the confusion…I feel. That you could understand."

A breath of air stirred across the meadow, pushing Bella's hair in front of her face. I didn't hesitate to brush it away, freeing her eyes so I could have a clear view of her face.

"Tell me," she said.

"I don't think I can," I whispered truthfully, how can I explain something to her I barely even understand myself? "I've told you, on the one hand, the hunger—the thirst—that, deplorable creature that I am, I feel for you. And I think you can understand that, to an extent. Though," I smiled, "as you are not addicted to any illegal substances, you probably can't empathize completely."

Her eyes softened and she bit her bottom lip.

"But…" her eyes lowered, her eyelashes fanning tiny branching shadows over her cheeks. Her lips puckered involuntarily, I swallowed, the invitation of her mindless intention blurred my mind of coherence. I knew this new human instinct I was feeling shouldn't be trusted, the power she held over me was too unpredictable. But still, even the fantasy of a kiss… I don't think could ever be overcome by any amount of willpower. It was the most human want that matched the strength of my lust for her blood, tied at an impossible brinkmanship. This desire could never be satisfied without giving into the act itself. But I knew I couldn't succumb to the human want battling inside of me. Not yet. Hesitantly, I reached out and allowed myself to touch the top curve of her lip with the very tip of my finger. She closed her eyes. Matching her previous action, I gently traced the line of her mouth. "There are other hungers. Hungers I don't even understand, that are foreign to me."

She opened her eyes. "I may understand _that_ better than you think." I could feel her heart race, her scent was like an aphrodisiac and still the desire wasn't overcome but strengthened in want.

"I'm not used to feeling so human." The desire was like a current soaring through my dead blood stream, lighting every one of my cells on fire and killing all kind of logical reason that tried to overcome the desire building throughout me. "Is it always like this?" this feeling, as wonderful as it was dangerous left me craving and wanting more.

"For me?" She paused momentarily, her eyes cast in thought. I hadn't realized the extent of what my question meant and I tried to prepare myself to hear all about the other men who had been able to touch and kiss her without battling their instincts demanding for her blood. Time slowed down just before she spoke, dragging my pain out for as long as possible. "No, never. Never before this."

My heart tightened and I could feel the release of an involuntarily sigh. I tenderly reached out and clasped both her hands in mine. They felt so small in my grasp, she responded by intertwining her fingers in mine. Her eyes smiled up at me, a blush touching her cheeks. "I don't know how to be close to you," I confessed, "I don't know if I can."

Her smile faltered ever so slightly, her tender expression suddenly replaced by unforeseeable resolve. Her dark eyes claimed mine and, slowly, she leaned in.

Time stopped. The insignificant sounds of the forest around me blurred. The air became heavy and still as if a blanket smothered over my face. Her face was a breath away, her eyes wide and alert, a warning in the backs of the darkness. I sat stunned in awed silence. Would this be my first kiss? I closed my eyes balling my fists while stifling my breath, anticipation knotting my stomach in silent trepidation.

The air shifted and the smallest pressure touched my neck. I opened my eyes in shock, surprised to see Bella's small head under my chin resting tenderly on my chest. "This is enough," she sighed.

I could feel her heart beating directly from her chest to touch mine. My actions ran away without my sense. The human emotions that have claimed my mind fastened through my body, dominating whatever unnatural instincts I had left. As carefully as possible I wrapped my arms around her frail shoulders and held her as lightly as possible against me. It was impossible to control the need to hold her as tightly as possible against me, to never let her go, but somehow I refrained. A sigh of identifiable pleasure released from her. My eyes dropped shut and, without thinking, I buried my face into her hair, breathing her in while never getting enough.

"You're better at this than you give yourself credit for," she whispered softly against my chest. I tried not to note the way I could feel how her lips tickled my skin with her speech.

"I have human instincts—they may be buried deep, but they're there." I answered, my eyelids heavy, while speaking into her hair.

Time passed entirely too quickly, the sun's rays slowly evaporated. I didn't want to move. I would be entirely content with spending the rest of forever sitting there with Bella in my arms. In _my _arms. Her breath played on my skin and her heart continued to pound more persistently through her shirt to touch my hollow chest.

* * *

_Please don't hesitate to review and tell me how much you hate me for leaving it there ;)_

_p.s. I'll be sure to mention in a future update when you'll be able to vote. Thanks :D_

_**MERRY CHRISTMAS!!**_

**_I hope you guys get awesome presents._**


	14. The First Kiss

_Hey guys I know it's been an eternality since I've last updated, but I seriously have been trying to write as much as I can in-between my constant studying. For those of you living in America, my 'Diplomas' have the same pressure as 'SATs' and are worth half of my final mark… and I have 4 Diplomas… 2 down 2 to go… so I've just been in my little own world of textbooks and indecipherable notes…not to mention school and work. So please bear with me._

**Chapter 26**

**The First Kiss**

Time passed entirely too quickly, the sun's rays slowly evaporated. I didn't want to move. I would be entirely content with spending the rest of forever sitting there with Bella in my arms. In _my _arms. Her breath played on my skin and her heart continued to pound more persistently through her shirt to touch my hollow chest.

Through my closed eyelids the orange of the backdrop melted into tranquil languid darkness. As if on cue Bella stirred. She released a long regretful sigh.

"You have to go," I grumbled into the softness of her hair.

"I thought you couldn't read my mind." She joked playfully.

I smiled. "It's getting clearer."

The air was smoggy with discontent and I knew that Bella's pace wouldn't fair through this forest when darkness was enclosing on our backs. Taking her shoulders to guide her face to be level with mine, I asked, "Can I show you something?" I knew we would have to be quick and the solution was obvious. My excitement at showing her another trait of my kind was hardly arbitrary, but pleasing in a chance to show her a skill that I actually enjoyed.

"Show me what?" she answered.

"I'll show you how _I_ travel in the forest." Her eyes narrowed skeptically, "don't worry, you'll be very safe, and we'll get to your truck much faster." I grinned at the oxymoron in my sentence; we would be saving an eternity if we ditched the hunk of steel she ratified as her transportation.

Her expression became guarded just before she asked, "will you turn into a bat?"

I snorted, "Like I haven't heard _that_ one before!" She smiled her breath-taking smile just before her defense was reinforced as pink touched her cheeks.

"Right, I'm sure you get that all the time." She said feigning acridity.

"Come on, little coward, climb on my back."

She hesitated, narrowing her eyes as she processed my request. I smiled at her, trying to reinforce my "non-threatening" side. She didn't seem convinced, slowly---as not to frighten her again---I reached out my hand and gently snagged her waist, pulling her up and carefully positioning her onto my back. Her heart reacted, pounding hard and persistently though her chest. I feared for her ribs.

Her legs wrapped tight around my waist and the softness of her arms touched my face as she draped them over my shoulders and locked them under my chin. I tried not to feel every inch of her body she so forcefully wrapped around me. It was staggeringly erogenous, I tried to detach myself from my body, but I found that I couldn't ---wouldn't comply. Her breath touched my ear as her scent engulfed us. Her pulse was loud but I couldn't decide if she were nervous or just embarrassed about this new position.

"I'm a bit heavier than your average backpack," she stuttered breathlessly.

"Hah!" I laughed. Her weight was non-existent; the pressure of her torso to the feeble strength in her legs enfolded around my waist was barely discernible. Her weight was the least of my concerns, it was a comical speculation. Her body so dangerously close was more relevant for her solicitude then me being held down by her miniscule mass.

If Alice had a vision of this event, right now, her clearest approximation ever, I wouldn't have believed it. Hell! If I could go back in time and tell my prior self from this morning, that Bella was this close to me, I would've laughed in my face. I could never have thought that her scent could be so precedent, second to the feel of her body. I couldn't get enough; my imagination kept spinning out of control wanting to feel just how much closer she could get…

I gently entangled her hand from her hold around my throat and pressed her palm to my face. Breathing in her scent at the base of her wrist I mumbled, "Easier all the time."

It elated me to be able to move this way, without evasion or delusion, in front of her I didn't have to hide anymore, I could be myself. I ran, touching the earth as little as viable, running through the forest faster than possible. The wind barely had a chance to offer any resistance to match my speed.

If there was a chance at being with her without thinking of her blood first, I never felt more confident than at this moment. Her hold tightened as her heart stuttered when I careened across the twisting forest floor, dodging passed a tree by a fraction of an inch.

I knew what the diabolical side of me wanted, but for once I _knew _what the human in me wanted was something much rarer than her blood. I would have to let myself touch her, be much closer to her, feel more than I can possibly begin to imagine. I knew my selfishness was substantial, how could I ask her to be so entirely careless and irresponsible as to allow her greatest adversary a simply antiquated gesture such as a kiss? But now I knew I was in far too deep as to allow her the release of this decision. I've never wanted anything more. Nothing could ever be compared to this desire.

The trails end appeared and I stopped a short distance from the road, the truck was obscured by fingers of branches. The sun still held in the sky casting tiny glittering sparkles to jump from my skin. "Exhilarating, isn't it?" I said coming down from my high. The run threw all of my choices up in the air, rearranging my priorities and managing to convince me to do the one thing I have longed for and the one thing that is as impossible as my existence.

I paused twisting my neck to see the tell-tale hint of Bella's hair and waited for her to climb down. She didn't move, "Bella?" I asked nervously.

"I think I need to lie down." She whispered in a shaky exhale.

Her tone worried me, I hadn't considered the ramifications of my run, it was plausible that she might have experienced motion-sickness. "Oh, sorry," I said. I waited, she still didn't budge. I furrowed my eyebrows craning my neck to see her face.

"I think I need help," she said, chagrin disgruntling her raspy tone.

I chuckled trying in vain to lighten the mood, to bring the embarrassment out of her tone. Tentatively I took her hands and pried them from the strangle-hold she had around my neck. Carful to use the most minimal strength, I took her arms and lowered her to the ground, capturing her waist to twist her to my front, catching a moment to squeeze her to me as gently as possible. I put my hand on the back of her head, securing her to me, before gently lowering her to the ground.

Her face was muted in pallid pale which overpowered her self-conscious expression. She looked up from where she lay on the ground; the ferns offered her an emerald backdrop. Her eyelids were lidded and perspiration touched her ashen cheeks, she looked as she had when they were blood typing in biology, perhaps she was going to faint?

"How do you feel?" I asked anxiously, feeling like an imbecile as I uselessly stood over her.

"Dizzy," she answered, "I think." she touched her head. My heart broke a little bit.

"Put your head between your knees." I said uneasily. She timidly followed my request. I waited apprehensively, until her breathing slowed and her heart returned to its regular rhythm. I sighed with relief and gently sat beside her, careful not to disturb the ferns under her weight. She looked up, her eyes were fully open but her colour was yet to return.

"I guess that wasn't the best idea," I mumbled regretfully.

"No," she smiled her fake smile, "it was very interesting." She added weakly.

"Hah!" _She_ was trying to pacify _me! _"You're as white as a ghost—no, you're as white as _me_!"

"I think I should have closed my eyes." She concluded her eyes downcast.

I smiled, trying to catch her eyes. I bent my chin tilting my head until her gaze found mine. "Remember that next time."

"Next time!" she moaned closing her eyes dramatically.

I chuckled at her again.

She touched her cheek, twisting the tiniest fraction to bring herself another milometer closer to me. "Show off," she muttered, her eyes still closed.

I chuckled again, and the tiniest smile touched her face.

I inched closer to her until our legs brushed. I leaned my head down to hers until the warmth of her breath touched my lips. My mouth watered. "Open your eyes, Bella." I whispered.

Her eyelids fluttered open instantaneously, her dark eyes widening at our new proximately and then lidding just as fast. Her mouth opened involuntarily, the fission in-between her lips parted unbearably slowly to offer me the tiniest glimpse of her teeth.

I licked my lips, "I was thinking," I hesitated, "while I was running…" I took a quick breath, trying to organize my spinning thoughts and phrase them into something coherent or at least comprehendible. The thought--- the possibility, the wish---the longing to kiss her had been haunting me every time I've seen her and never had I thought it were possible to achieve such a desire. But here with her I feel invincible, more than in the physical sense, but when I am with her I feel like there is nothing I can't do, nothing I can't achieve as long as she is here, right next to me. I'd been thinking about this a lot, longer than just during the run, but right now at this moment I could summon the courage to actually do it.

"About not hitting the trees, I hope," she retorted a smile in her tone.

"Silly Bella," I laughed while narrowing my eyes playfully at her. "Running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about."

"Show off," she quipped again.

I smiled and watched in fascination as she mimicked my action in contagious reciprocation.

How much I wanted her.

"No," I continued, trying uselessly to clear my head and rearrange my thoughts. "I was thinking there was something I wanted to try."

As gently as possible I reached out and cupped her face in my hands. Smoothing away a trapped lock of hair away from her cheek with my thumb. She closed her eyes heavily before taking a deep breath. When she opened her eyes again, the darkness seemed to have warped into much softer melting chocolate, the invitation was undeniable and it took everything I had not to kiss her right then.

I loved her more than I thought was physically and emotionally possible and now I intended to show her just how much I loved her in the most human way I knew.

I leaned forward until her lips were but a fraction of an inch from mine. I searched her eyes looking for the fear I anticipated, instead they were laced with lust and were the lightest I've ever seen.

Closing my eyes, I tilted my head forward and as gently as possible, I touched my lips against hers.

Electricity whipped out and ensnared us in desire. Heat stained her lips and she moved, opening her mouth the slightest amount, inviting me in. Her breath mixed in with mine, I could taste her scent. For one impossible inadequate moment my brain froze and I allowed this madness to continue. Her hands snaked up from my chest to the back of my head. Her fingers knotted roughly in my hair and she opened her mouth wide, breathing me in while crushing herself closer to me.

Every instinct in my body demanded for more, I didn't know pleasure existed before this moment. But as impossible as it was I fought against my every carnal and physical desire and froze beneath Bella's soft persistent lips. Gently but with rapid fortitude I pushed Bella's face back.

Her cheeks flamed under my fingertips and her heart pounded hard and through inadvertent levels of inconsistent beats. Her eyelids fluttered opened and her dark eyes returned my gaze in a woozy expression of wistfulness.

"Oops," she breathed in an exhale, delivering a balmy bath of slick venom to mandate my mouth in longing.

"That's an understatement." I muttered while cutting off my breathing.

I tried not to taste her scent still held on the back of my tongue, to open my mouth and taste the residue she left on my lips. I could bring her closer and experience it all over again…

Was I so idiotic to assume that kissing her again would satisfy my want? Just a mere taste of her breath? It would only cause the temptation to grow to diabolical levels of never-ending need. It would tempt me to want to taste so much more than her lips.

"Should I…?" her fingers disentangled from my hair and she brought them up to touch the back of my knuckles still locked around her cheeks. I stiffened under her touch just as the venom in my throat burnt to intolerable levels of unadulterated desire.

"No, it's tolerable," I said plainly, holding her still so she couldn't move under my locked grip. "Wait for a moment, please."

The venom in my throat died and the unexplainable electricity that flared in between us as soon as our lips touched smothered and faded.

Her eyes were guarded and reticence touched her expression. I wonder beyond all imaginative explanation what she could possibly be thinking, how she could still be here, willingly beside me? Did she feel the danger in that kiss? Or was the passion, the want, the indescribable ecstasy more prominent? Was the rapture worth the fear? The danger? Was the threat worth the kiss?

The kiss was beyond all my wildest expectations and above all horrifying outcomes. Bella had obviously enjoyed the kiss---maybe a little bit too much--- that alone washed away all my guilt and doubt. She was still here and the fire in my throat slowly faded. Was I so selfish as to allow that simple fact convince me?

"There," I said once all the venom in my throat vanquished.

"Tolerable?" she asked her eyes still guarded.

I laughed, finally releasing all the magnitudes of joy I felt, to see that Bella still impossibly wanted me. That I could overcome the biggest test on all my desires and that there was still a possibility for more… "I'm stronger than I thought. It's nice to know." I offered her confused expression.

Her eyes drifted down and heat touched her cheeks. "I wish I could say the same. I'm sorry."

I smiled. "You _are_ only human, after all."

"Thanks so much," she said faking annoyance.

I smiled and stood up, reaching out to her. Her dark eyes flickered and hesitated, a secret held in there depths just before she took my hand and engulfed each one of my senses in warmth. Her foot slipped and she braced most of her weight in our entwined contact, her face flushed immediately, she staggered then quickly caught her balance.

"Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertise?" I teased, guiding her waist until she regained her balance.

"I can't be sure, I'm still woozy." She smiled half-heartedly. "I think it's some of both, though." Her eyes flickered self-consciously up to mine, I felt my smile grow. So she admits to it then, she actually enjoyed the kiss… but I'd bet I enjoyed it far more then she had.

"Maybe you should let me drive," I announced asking only as a formality to establish conventional courtesy. There was no way I was letting her drive---

"Are you insane?" she objected, she released my hand claiming my warmth and causing icy cold to settle over my skin. Her fingers curled determinedly into her jean pockets.

"I can drive better than you on your best day," I reasoned, smiling I continued, "You have much slower reflexes."

"I'm sure that's true, but I don't think my nerves, or my truck, could take it." She returned my smile with a thin-lipped grin.

Annoyance crept. "Some trust, please, Bella."

I already knew what her answer would be. I would have been shocked if she surrendered so quickly. I had to remind myself that Bella was no martyr.

She falsely deliberated than shook her head. "Nope. Not a chance." she raised her eyebrows, challenging me.

I raised my eyebrows in return and narrowed my eyes.

She angled her body away from mine and when she took her first step she nearly teetered to the ground. I snagged her waist in a tight embrace and tried to smother my smile as her annoyed glare pointedly beseeched mine.

"Bella," I warned with raised eyebrows, "I've already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive. I'm not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight." Her eyes faltered, submission taking place. I smiled in satisfaction. "Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk."

"Drunk?" she objected.

Her lips were very near mine I could feel her breath on the point of my chin. "You're intoxicated by my very presence." I argued.

"I can't argue with that." She surrendered to my pleasure. Actually she could have had a very valid objection by pointing out my very hypocritical sentence. For her presence intoxicated me. She held up her key and dropped it. I caught it effortlessly never releasing her from my eyes. She smirked, "Take it easy—my truck is a senior citizen."

"Very sensible," I approved reluctantly.

"And are you not affected at all?" she asked, sounding desperately somber. "By my presence?" her eyes flickered downwards than up again to watch my face.

My heart broke at her inflection .Was I really not that transparent? Didn't she see the way she affected me?! I thought it was quite obvious. I paused just before I slipped her key into my pocket than reached with both hands to snag her fingertips in mine. Tenderly I dropped my mouth to the base of her jaw; she twisted her neck the smallest amount to grant me better access. I smiled against her silken cheek and brushed my lips along her jaw line up to her ear then back down to touch her chin. She trembled against my touch and brought her bottom lip into her mouth. Gently with my lips still against her heated skin I spoke. "Regardless, I have better reflexes."

* * *

_If you guys review half as much for this chapter as you did for the last chapter I'd be insanely happy. You guys all rock and if it weren't for you I probably would have given up by now. Your support, criticisms and praise have seriously helped my writing and my confidence. Thank-you so much._


End file.
